So, this is my life.

And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Monday, December 25, 2006

Christmas in sarajevo
Current mood: cheerful

date: december 25. merry Christmas!!
mood: very merry
weight: 155 lbs (have stopped drinking water b/c adds too many pounds)
cookies eaten: 19 (good, compared to yesterday)
times dial-up internet disconnected today: 4 (v.v. good)

i was going to make a joke about spending Christmas in the middle of nowhere, but it just won't work. because anywhere in bosnia is like new york city compared to honey grove. i always make fun of this little "town" where the roads have no lines on them and the nearest stop light is 20 miles away and "stuck in traffic" means you got caught going 8 m.p.h. behind an amish buggy in a no-passing zone. but the truth is that i love it here. it's quiet and wonderful, and nowhere have i seen stars shine more brightly and clearly than on the top of my little hill, with no lights around for miles.

ma and i spent all day yesterday making cookies and peanut butter fudge. i thought that if i decorated them v. beautifully, i wouldn't want to eat them and, in so doing, ruin the festive cookie display in the dining room. plan worked magnificently. however, there are always a few reject cookies. you know, the ones that stick to the cookie sheet, the ones that don't rise perfectly, the ones that break when you try to put stack them... it was my duty to eat these reject cookies, and i take every job with which i am trusted very seriously.

today my grandma asked me if i have a girlfriend in philadelphia. i told her i am far too busy to have such a thing, as girls are but a tedious frustration to an intellectual such as myself. then the old broad threw me an unanticipated curve ball. mind you, my family members normally aren't ones to push. if we aren't satisfied with an answer, we make up our own minds as to the truth and don't bother inquiring further. that's why i was caught off guard when grandma, sly old fox, asked: "will you still be too busy for a girlfriend after you graduate?"

when i got home this evening the house smelled of shrimp and snow crabs. *gags* my brother's live-in lover reminded me that she made her stuffed mushrooms. yay! i had to explain once again that i can't eat stuffed stuffed mushrooms because they are on the vomit list. the list of foods that have erupted out of my stomach and shall never again be wittingly placed inside my mouth. also on the list: popcorn shrimp (partly explains above gag), maraschino cherries, and mojitos. i shudder at the thought of such foods. i am lucky enough to have strange and generally unpleasant foods on my vomit list. patrick's VL, for example, includes lettuce. just imagine! never eating lettuce again...

today i saw a commercial for an men's electric "body groomer." i guess straight men are now shaving their jiggly bits, which gay men have been doing for decades. to all my straight female readers i say congratulations! for all the hair removal you monkeys do, you deserve a little consideration in return. however, to all my straight male holly-come-lately-shavers out there, don't be fooled by this commercial for an expensive Philips body groomer. you can get just as effective a shave by using common appliances you already have in your house, such as your brother's mustache trimmer, your roommate's scissors, and the family hair clippers. just be careful and think before trimming.

i was hoping for snow this Christmas, but i guess i shouldn't be greedy. i've gotten so many great gifts this year, including a lot of wonderful friendships. *awwwww* but seriously, i'm the luckiest. and i hope YOU have a merry Christmas!

*alternatively, for my jewish readers, whose holiday is equally valid, though not quite as ostentatious or, presumably, fun, as the Christian holiday, i wish you a belated happy chanukah! love and latkes to you!*

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Sunday, December 17, 2006

insomniac's wish list
Current mood: nerdy

date: december 17.....weight: 156 lbs (ok, considering)... calories: 2938 (studied at home all day, elastic-waist pajamas, ice cream. v.v. bad.)... times checked myspace while should have been studying: 39 (v. good)... days since have given up celeblogs, cold turkey: 21 (v.v. good).

exactly one week until Christmas, so i have decided to make my wish list. because if i don't ask for what i want, i almost certainly won't get it. because 'tis the season for wishing. because it's 2 AM, i'm completely wired, and i know that going to bed right now would be a waste of time.

carey and i studied tax all day. really... allllll day. didn't bother changing out of pajamas or doing hair; just sat with outlines and highlighters for 14 hours. my apartment reeks of nerd. just one more exam, though - on monday. although finals aren't over yet, in my imagination i'm already a million miles away. one second i'm fantasizing about monday night's celebration, whatever that may include (taylor, lesley, what are you ladies doing monday? get at me.), the next i'm at a crazy dinner table in jersey (oh gosh, wednesday night!), and the next i'm mentally shopping for gifts (am thinking of getting ma a rice cooker, which i've been wanting, because i know she'll never use it, and within a year i can surreptitiously remove it from her home and bring it to mine). and right this second, i'm watching the devil wears prada. again. meryl streep is fantastic. i'm working on a plan to be the male miranda priestley. i realize it may involve a contract for the sale of my soul. "by all means, move at a glacial pace. you know how that thrills me." just wonderful.

in other news, have replaced water with sprite zero, and skin looks fantastic - imagine that!

the point is, i'm excited about the holiday season. this evening when i ran down the street to buy the largest container of ice cream that i could find ( it was 1/2 the fat, so naturally i ate two bowls), there were so many people out and about, on their ways to the kimmel center or to dinner, and i suddenly remembered: today's saturday! it's saturday and it's almost Christmas! so i began putting together a list, just a few, simple things.

All I Want for Christmas is... *One all-expense paid trip to Paris (really should've gone in july); *my effing package from (i ordered something almost a month ago, and it's lost in mail world); *A stairmaster in my apartment; *A's on two finals (that's not asking much, is it???), To lose 45 lbs; *A nice, cute Jewish boy - not for me, but for my roommate; *Peace on earth; *A roaring good time with the urban fam on new year's eve; *A fourth Starbucks within 2 blocks of my apartment, just for good measure; *Carey to finally make me quiche; *Ally McBeal to be released on DVD; *Botox for the brow wrinkle; *Curly hair, just for a couple months...

that's all.

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Monday, December 11, 2006

i needed a fix
Current mood: scared

date: december 11....mood: zombie.....weight: 155 lb... calories: 2100 (stress eating: 1/2 a digiorno pizza for breakfast, qdoba for lunch. again. ugh.)... times checked myspace while should have been studying: 1945.

just minutes until my first final. i'm in the room. i'm in the chair. i will spend the next 4.5 hours here. good thing this chair is well-padded, because my fat gadunkadunk falls asleep really quickly. must go to gym after final. must go to gym after final. want to take nap after final.

in these last few minutes, you might expect that i would, or at least should, be studying - some last-minute cramming, maybe? one last skim through my crim pro outline? quizzing myself on miranda warnings and 5th amendment rights? no. nothing of the sort. while the girl to my left frantically highlights cases in her text book, poor dear, i sit here blogging. because this is what i need. because i am different. because if i don't, i could effing lose it.

these moments of zen and avoidance are what keep it all together, at least for me. there really is no benefit in panicking, or even in last-minute cramming. i always say to myself, "listen, handsome, if you don't know it by now, you're NOT going to know it. so pack it up!" and then i feel better. because hopelessness is so much more comforting than wondering if i could have done more. i refuse to spend my life questioning what more i could do, because that leads to endless cycles of hope and persistence and, presumably, quite tiring aspiration. i don't... have... time.

i slept about 2 hours last night, and i'm more awake than i normally am after sleeping 10 hours. what do you think that's about? is it just the effects of my hot green tea (which my starbucks thermos promises to keep warm for at least 5 hours)? no. is it the buzz i get from a qdoburrito? no. well, maybe a little bit. but mostly, i think it is the adrenaline-pumping reaction to primal law student fear.

this blog, by the way, is coming to you from T's laptop, instead of mine... in case you wondered why it smelled different. i am not used to the positioning of the mouse pad, and i keep scrolling up and typing in the first line of the blog. why did HP put the mousepad directly under my right thumb? i have no idea. but BIG UPS TO T for letting me borrow her baby! wait, if this is her baby, i think she's having an PC-abortion and trying again for christmas, because she's getting a new laptop. but whatever, this blog isn't about her.

okay, kids, i'll see you all on the other end. for you other law students, i hope your exams go really well (unless you're in my classes). for you non-law students, i hope you're enjoying this christmas season. someone needs to.

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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

it's the most wonderful time of the year
Current mood: lethargic

date: december 6
mood: lazy but good
weight: 154 (ugh. spontaneously gained 2 lbs during the night.)
alcohol units: 0 (v. good. finals abstention!)
calories: 450 (healthy breakfast of raisin bran... and popcorn)
minutes wasted when should be studying: 70
oh, the beauty of finals time. no classes to attend. no reading to do. nothing between you and a thousand pages of outlines to learn in the next week. it's a beautiful thing, putting all your energy and focus into preparation for the cold-sweat-soaked, anxiety-filled, chew-your-fingernails-to-the-cuticle, four hours of glory we call a final exam.

i.... am.... excited.

actually, i'm trying not to be stressed about finals. i mean, it's just an exam, right? at this point in our academic careers, we've taken hundreds. i can't figure out why every test seems twice as terrifying as the last. so our first jobs, maybe even our futures, depend on these grades - the grades from these exams - as in, how hard we study right now will determine our professional success - future - job - how do you feel NOW?

so back to not stressing out: i think the the key is good time management, along with a healthy diet (i, for one, find comfort in burritos), lots of exercise (i skipped the gym last night), and a strict focus on school work (i mean, when i'm not updating my blog).

for example, instead of studying this morning, i watched almost every dolly video on youtube. there are 1478 of them. i may have missed one or two. some of them were fascinating because they were from the late 60's and 70's, when dolly was chubby and looked about 30 years older than she does in 2006. some of them were bizarre, like dolly singing with boy george (she loves the gays). a few of them i thought were just great, so i've added them below... in case you, too, are in the mood to procrastinate.

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Thursday, November 30, 2006

if this is the end
Current mood: optimistic

date: november 30
mood: very upbeat.
weight: 152 lbs (owe loss to a combination of IBS-inducing anxiety over trial and happiness in personal life).
alcohol units: 1 (unless you count vodka sauce on pasta, which you DON'T, because it doesn't even give you a buzz, no matter how much you drink. you KNOW i tried.)
calories: 1234.

i probably don't have to tell you this, but the world is coming to an end. i predict that this will occur very soon, and for several good reasons:
1. as i sit in my living room, christmas lights lit up and wrapped around my banister, listening to my second favorite Christmas song ever (britney's 'my only wish this year' - which may have been the most wonderful thing she has ever produced, not excluding her two children and an amazingly trashy and effective media frenzy every time she takes a step), it is almost 70 degrees outside. december first, and people are wearing shorts and t-shirts outside. i had to sit in class today and listen to two chicks squawk about one of them wearing flip-flops ("OMIGOSH i was GOING TO but just couldn't BRING MYSELF TO, i mean, it's DECEMBER!") this is all wrong. next week it's supposed to snow. the week after that, fire will rain down from the heavens.

2. i thought my life was over today because Qdoba (AKA heaven on earth) was giving away free anything-you-want for their grand opening, and i had to go to class. i seriously thought i would die of a broken heart, but somehow i made it through. still, i grieve.

by the way, hanson - 'baby please come home' - is now playing in my ears. and, no, that is not a sign that the world is ending. i really love my christmas playlist and am glad that in july, when i bought my iPod, i had the foresight to create it. my third favorite christmas song has got to be 'last christmas,' either the george michael or the savage garden version. just beautiful. of course my first is 'o holy night,' almost any version i hear, but not enya's - oh, no, not enya's. not this year. *shudders*

3. i have decided to give up celeblogs ---------- i know, right?! what am i thinking?!?! maybe for lent.

i was distracted in criminal procedure today by the very attractive man who sits in front of me and looks just like a less-nerdy version of carlton from fresh prince, if you can remember back that far. the thing is, the background/desktop on his laptop is a photo of his son, a boy of about 7 years old, smiling. the cutest photo ever. this daddy is so proud of his little boy; i just think it's beautiful. he's married. *rolling eyes*

4. despite the fact that i looked completely gross today, someone told me "you look nice today" out of the blue. i swear i wasn't fishing for it! i was wearing old, faded jeans i got for christmas '01 (NO JOKE! they're my favorite pair), a zippy, and my favorite t-shirt, which says TOO FAT TO FUNCTION.

the point is that the world is going to end.

now i have a confession, or maybe a concession, to make:
i had an amazing workout today - cardio. first i did the usual 40 minutes, but then i thought, "hm... i could try the stairmaster."
now... this is the machine that i make fun of carey for using, the machine i say is a waste of time, where girls go to bounce for a few minutes and not move too much while they read US Weekly (not that there's anything wrong with that, eric). i thought it was a completely useless joke of a workout machine and that, because i do not have big boobs, i would barely even feel the machine move.
i did 10 minutes.
i almost died.
okay, roommate, i can admit when i'm wrong. it was an amazing workout. i supposedly climbed 52 floors and burned 120 calories in only 10 minutes. you were right.
then again, i did a level 7 workout, and for all i know, you girls do a level 1... and maybe that's why it was actually effective. in other words, maybe i CAN'T admit when i'm wrong :-)

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Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thursday
Current mood: thankful

it really does feel like a holiday, even though i'm not in holiday mode - or at least i'm trying not to be. no traveling for me, no homecoming. no family dinners. not yet. like last year, i am attempting to delay holiday gratification until after finals.

yet the feeling of holiday is unmistakable and proving impossible to ignore.

i first felt it yesterday at school. the entire law building was quiet. people were around, but it was as if everyone was waiting to be somewhere else. i think that's the way the holidays feel: everyone is preparing for something big in the near future, and some part of them isn't really present. it felt the same way at the grocery store yesterday afternoon. whole foods was frantic in a way i haven't seen since my mom took me to wal-mart just days before the apocalyptic farce that was Y2K.

i thought today would be a quiet day. my apartment was quiet this morning - warm with the glow of christm-- er -- holiday lights i put up. (i "jumped the gun on that one," according to carey.) i expected to continue with my quiet afternoon of studying at starbucks, which should definitely be empty on thanksgiving day, right? because everyone is eating with family, right? i might even have the coffee shop to myself, right? wrong. the line was out the door when i arrived. every table and every comfy armchair was taken. i ordered my soy latte and then hovered over an increasingly uncomfortable lady until she finally packed up and left. score! i got a window seat.

around me people are working on lap-tops. i am one of three law students in the cafe: one is a 3L at temple, the other i recognize as a law student only because he's reading from one of those notoriously ugly, large, red law books no one except a law student would own.

the baristas seem annoyed; each one has somewhere else to be, for sure. i asked one of them what time the store is open until today, and his reply was "for-ev-er," which made me think of the sandlot, which i haven't seen in probably 10 years. i remember being in their place, working on thanksgiving, wishing i were home, asking, "who the eff comes to starbucks on thanksgiving?" i gave a big tip just to make myself feel better about being one of THOSE people i never imagined i would become.

since i haven't done well at avoiding the holiday spirit, i may as well just indulge. here goes:
this thanksgiving i am thankful for:
my brilliant life, full of lovely friends (some of whom i had so much fun with last night)
an urban family i love
a mom who is understanding enough not to give me a hard time for staying in philly to study instead of coming home
my new brown sweater, which i love
a precious roommate who is a fabulous cook and will spend hours today preparing a traditional thanksgiving feast (yams, quinoa, banana bread, corn, tofurkey, and stuffing)
the prospect of snow, which could arrive any day now
and last but certainly not least, champagne to toast a quiet but definitely holiday dinner this evening :-)

now i'm going to get back to outlining. happy tofurkey day to you all!

*side note: tomorrow we can begin listening to christmas music (as if some of us haven't already done so in the past few weeks. you know who you are.)

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Thursday, November 16, 2006

better to have loved and lost
Current mood: thoughtful

how trite. it's probably one of my least favorite cliches. yet in the back of my mind, i continue to think, 'how true.' i mention it only because the phrase keeps coming up. it came up last night in conversation over wine. then today i was in the shower, my mind wandering; i became warmly nostalgic, and the phrase dripped into my head. and just about an hour ago i was chatting with a friend who used the expression. now rent lyrics are floating around my head:
so you think, might as well
dance a tango to hell
at least i'll have tangoed at all
so here i sit, contemplating love lost...or tossed away.

whatever happened to it, you should never regret love. it wasn't a waste of time, though i'm sure we've all wished we could get some of that time back. okay, maybe some relationships deserve a tiny bit of regret - like the tumultuous, on-again-off-again kind, where years were seemingly wasted and nothing has even come of it. but every now and then, even one of those crazy relationships turns into a beautiful friendship between two people who know one another better than anyone else around them. that's the kind of love that should never be regretted.

and i refuse to regret falling in love, silly as it may seem in retrospect, such as when a summer fling ends and the parties involved part ways. it was still worth it. falling in love on il ponte vecchio is worth every ounce of frustration that follows. i promise. just remember that rush of air, those daydreams, those "what ifs." that's quality time - with yourself, sure, but still quality. not wasted at all. you were happy. and that should never be regretted.

i have so much work to do right now. outlining, reading for classes tomorrow. it's 10:30 and i have at least 2 more hours of reading. so, naturally i decided this was the right time to pull out some old journals. flashback to november 16, 2003. only 3 years ago - feels like a lifetime. i was keeping a journal while living in costa rica. i was having a bad day, it just so happens. emotional over love and missing home. what a coincidence. what silliness. but it's not worth regretting. that's what i'm here to say.

love is what we do, and it's what we live for. i have a sneaking suspicion that, in the end, we'll realize that it's all that mattered the entire time.

but then, i really don't know love at all.

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Tuesday, November 07, 2006

"i just have a lot of feelings"
Current mood: discontent

five minutes until class begins, and i am currently filled with a foreign substance that i understand to be called emotion, mostly because i'm tired of school and work, and i'm ready for christmas and staying in bed until noon, just for a couple of days, i'm not lazy, i just want a vacation, but who doesn't, and who do i think i am for voicing a desire that everyone in his or her right mind must have, as if i think i'm so entitled... and i'm so sick of tofu wraps at school, which reminds me: this morning the train car smelled so terrible that carey and i actually got off at the second stop and walked back to another car, and i'm honestly still gagging a little at the thought of that hot ham and cheese on rye, regurgitated, smell - ew - i just threw up a little bit in my mouth, which is how i feel when i think of trial advocacy, too, even though it's supposed to be FUN and exciting, but i want to be GOOD at it, and i don't want to waste precious time in front of my judge, so i will work on that reasonably diligently tonight, after i vote, and NO, you don't KNOW me, and you don't know for whom i will be voting, just because i am a registered republican, and just so you know, i am not voting along party lines, and i see myself as a moderate.... some of you scoff at that, but some of you are obese, and i haven't said anything because i'm SUCH a good friend, and i could lose a few pounds myself, but then again, who couldn't - even the olsen twins could stand to lose a few - i laugh when i remember eric saying that he wanted to be so thin that 'people were concerned' about him, at least then you'd know you are thin, which even the thinnest person refuses to believe, and another thing that makes me laugh is any word that comes out of sarah silverman's mouth, since she is my life's only happiness right now - OH, and you'd think that having a ridiculous amount of work and outlining and studying to do would prevent you from eating a lot, but you would be wrong, because the morningstar farms tofu chicken wings are so delicious that you MAKE TIME for things like that, but it's really difficult to make time for people, and it shouldn't be, but unless that person wants to do something you were planning to do anyway, he or she just can't be a priority, which is what school work and sleep and the gym and class are supposed to be, and right now, that last priority is beginning.

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Wednesday, October 25, 2006

I <3 style="font-weight: bold;">Sunday, October 22, 2006

Via Chinatown Bus
Current mood: mellow

You've got a 50% chance of wanting to kill yourself if you decide to take the budget-friendly Chinatown bus to New York or D.C.

I've ridden it on four occasions, and two of those were good experiences. You really can't beat 10 dollars, and it's really not that different from Greyhound, which is almost as cost-effective and almost certainly equally disgusting.

Two of the bus trips, however, were terrible. I won't go into the literally dirty details, but some of the highlights included a 3-hour-late bus, someone asking me if he could borrow my cell phone (i am pretty sure he called Beijing), a sore neck from trying desperately not to let my hair touch the head rest, and staring in horror as the person beside me flicked something that fell out of his hair.

But, you know, it's all worth it, even with those 50/50 odds. This weekend I Chinatown bussed it up to New York to visit Patrick, one of my best buds from back in the day who has remained one of my favorite boys ever. It was a quick trip, but it was filled with meeting lovely new people, running (and riding) around the city, and enough vodka and cupcakes to keep everyone involved very happy.

Many of you know that I, for one, do not heart New York. But I don't hate it, either. When I begin to get frustrated or disgusted with New York, I just need to get to Central Park and sit for a minute, and the feeling passes. This afternoon Patrick and I grabbed sandwiches and grabbed a bench in the park, sat, ate, chatted, and watched. New Yorkers are vivacious - no doubt about it. They run in the morning, they party until 4 AM, and they are loud. I don't want to live there, but it's a great place to visit and to play. I knew that years ago, but this weekend's visit was the best, by far. It is a beautiful city... in many ways.

I'm glad to live in Philadelphia. I think we residents of this beautiful city take for granted the history, the quiet streets, the reasonable traffic, and the lovely parks. Most of all, I love being able to walk from one side of the city to another. I don't roam around the city enough, I know. I am really lazy and prefer to go to bars and restaurants within 3 blocks of my apartment. The 5-block walk to Eric & Adam's house sometimes makes me wish I had a bicycle. Just laziness. But it's nice to know that, on any given night, there's something going on just a few minutes' walk away - whether on Walnut, on South Street, or in Olde City.

My point is... I had a lovely weekend, yet I am glad to live in Philadelphia, and I'm excited for the day when I don't feel guilty about paying Amtrak's ridiculous fares to get me to the people whom I love (and really would like to visit more frequently). Oh, oops. That's three points.

It's been a long weekend, and I just realized that I haven't done any school work since last Wednesday. I really need to get busy. But not now. Not tonight. I'm tired now. Tomorrow I'll get back to reality.

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Sunday, October 15, 2006

Walking In Memphis
Current mood: nostalgic

Dear friend,

This song always reminds me of you -- not because you introduced me to it ( although you did introduce me to so much of the music that I have loved, like Damien Rice, The Cobbletones, Guster, Dashboard, and pretty much every rap song I've ever known the lyrics to). In fact, I introduced you to this song. But it reminds me of you because it makes me nostalgic for how young and silly we were back at Grove City.

I am sure it reminds you of some sad times, like the night I had it playing on repeat as you cried in my room. But I hope it reminds you of good times as well. Just think -- how many times did you crawl through my dorm room window? We were like a Mariah Carey video, minus the romance. If the wrong person had seen you crawling through my window or sneaking out of the building in the morning, we both could have been expelled. I think that's what made it so special. Boys and girls weren't supposed to be as close as we were -- not at GCC.

So this song reminds me of those days, that spring, the photography studio, working at Pier 1, where the song played every hour or so on the store soundtrack. It reminds me of going for night runs and that disturbingly long bike ride we took when we got lost. Remember that?

How young were we!? They told us to enjoy college because we would miss it later. For a couple of years I thought that was just ridiculous. Who would miss the stress, the studying, the communal showers (which were only fun if the right person was shaving at the same time as me), or the enforcement of religion? Who would miss the rules and the expectations? But I do.

I miss the carefree weekends when there was barely any homework to do. I miss living within a two-minute walk of my close friends. I miss cheap, second-run movies at that weird old theater. I really miss having a meal plan and a gym right beneath where I lived. I miss having time to appreciate a walk at night or a 6-mile run in the afternoon. I miss studying in the most random places, like Ketler Rec, until 4 AM. I miss you.

We grew up. We got apartments. We got jobs. (Though I have since quit mine and moved away.)

Just promise me one thing. Before you turn into an official adult and have a child or something equally unsettling, let's re-live the old days, just for a few moments, to the best of our abilities away from GCC. Promise?



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Friday, October 13, 2006

On Friday the 13th, we could all use some magic in our lives...
Current mood: thoughtful

...some Practical Magic -- one of my favorites.

I'm sharing some of my favorite quotes from it. And unless you're emotionally deaf, they speak for themselves.

"Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean."

"I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for."

"There are some things I know for certain: always throw spilt salt over your left shoulder, keep rosemary by your garden gate, plant lavender for luck, and fall in love whenever you can."

"What are you doing?"
-- "I'm summoning up a true love spell called Amas Spiritas. He can flip pancakes in the air, he will be marvellously kind, and his favourite shape will be a star... AND he'll have one GREEN eye... one BLUE."
"I thought you never wanted to fall in love."
-- "That's the point. The guy I dreamed up doesn't exist..."

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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Big ups to the nerds!
Current mood: geeky

Greetings from the nerdery, where I spend most of my days. Teresa posted this survey, and I think it's fantastic. I love recommending books to others, and I really appreciate when people give/lend me books they think I will enjoy. If I had more time on my hands, I would try to start a book club, but... you know... school and stuff.

1. One book that changed your life: A Separate Peace, by John Knowles. I saw so much of myself in the main character, Gene, and his relationship with Phineas - the book actually helped me understand myself. "Nothing endures, not a tree, not love, not even a death - by violence." I read it for the first time when I was in high school, but it remains new and readable every time I pick it up.
To a lesser extent, White Oleander also had quite an effect on me, as Astrid tries to overcome the cold-heartedness and games that her mother taught her. The movie is great, also.
Finally, ISHMAEL, which I've read a couple times, expanded my worldview and opened up my mind about issues I never thought to care about - never thought to think about, in fact. It's very philosophical, but an easy read.

2. One book that you've read more than once: Just like T, I have a list of books I've read repeatedly. I love re-reading books, because each time through, I find new things and even a new perspective, depending on where I am in life or where I am that day. As mentioned above, I have re-read A Separate Peace a number of times since high school. Also, I read The Little Prince at least once a year, either in English or Spanish. I know it almost by heart, but I read it anyway.

3. One book you would want on a desert island: I would want One Hundred Years of Solitude/Cien Anos de Soledad, because when I read it, I just wanted to get through the huge and dense thing, and I didn't appreciate it for what it is - amazing, intricate fiction. I think it could keep me entertained for months because it is so interesting and magical and, frankly, DIFFICULT. If you've read it, you understand.

4. One book that made you laugh: All of David Sedaris's books, but ESPECIALLY Me Talk Pretty One Day and, currently, Barrel Fever. I laugh out loud and actually cry - on the subway, in a waiting room, in my bed at night. He is a hilarious writer. I recommend Me Talk Pretty One Day for anyone who wants a fun book of short stories.

5. One book that made you cry: The Pilot's Wife, which is essentially a story of overcoming grief. The main character's husband died in a plane crash. I read this book on a flight to London, and I found myself teary-eyed a number of times.
Also, In The Time of the Butterflies made me cry, as did Cry, the Beloved Country. Those last two were assignments in African/Latin American Literature class, and I felt like quite a tool when my homework made me cry. They were both amazing, though.

6. One book you wish you had written: I wish I had the creativity and the open mind to write a book like Ishmael.
I wish I had the kind of life experiences of Ana Castillo, who wrote The Mixquiahuala Letters - about an amazing, spontaneous, and magical (possibly lesbian) relationship she had with her best friend over the course of several years.

7. One book you wish had never been written: Confessions of an Heiress. Because I die a little more inside every time Paris Hilton is called an author. How much effort did it really take her to hand over some of her childhood photographs while talking about her life to a ghost-writer who turned it into gramatically-correct, standard English and then was never even given credit for his work?

8. One book you are currently reading: Barrel Fever. Slowly. School takes quite a toll on my reading life. I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me.

9. One book you have been meaning to read: I wanted to read The Devil Wears Prada, and at some point I will still read A Million Little Pieces, despite the controversy. Finally, I have known for years that I need to read RUNNING WITH SCISSORS, and now that it is being made into a film, I fear I am going to be too late - same thing that happened with TDWP. I will read RWS over fall break. I WILL.

That's all, friends. Let's all borrow/lend books more often. Reading is fun! Knowledge is power!

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Friday, October 06, 2006

If I just lay here
Current mood: cold

I've spent the entire day in bed. Not for fun, though. *cough* I am sick. Earlier I had a fever, and now I am freezing despite the down comforter, sweat pants, socks, and that long-sleeve soft red shirt I wore to class yesterday and always get compliments on for some strange reason, even though it's not nice at all and cost almost nothing when I bought it on clearance at Urban. My point is, I'm cold. And I have a headache.

I just called my mom, who told me to take a shot of brandy and I would feel better. No joke. The woman probably put it in my bottle when I was young.

I'm not big on medicine, and I think that if I just LIE here all day, I'll get better.

Speaking of lying here ("lay here" is gramatically incorrect, by the way, so if any member of the band Snow Patrol is reading this, SHAME ON YOU!) it always upsets me when a genuinely good song is overplayed and everyone gets sick of it. Chasing Cars is a very good song. You know when every gay boy around puts the same song lyrics in his profile, that song has to be good, if a little melodramatic.

Speaking of songs and melodrama, I'm currently listening to one of the most beautiful songs ever sung. You should download it immediately -- but only if you're in the mood for a moving love song. If you're single and bitter and can't relate to love songs right now, I understand. BELIEVE ME. I UNDERSTAND. The song is A LOVE THAT WILL NEVER GROW OLD by Emmylou Harris. Just download it and tuck it away for some day down the road, when you can listen to it and think of someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. That's what I plan to do.

I don't blog much, I know. Life has been hectic as of late, but I think it's about to slow down. The interviews have passed, moot court is over, and school is calm for a few more weeks until the outlining begins. So now I have to slow down and actually look at my life. It's nice to have time to breathe, but it's a double-edged sword, isn't it?

My apartment is located right beside a law firm's office. When I look out my living room window at night, there are always people sitting in their offices working - at 7 pm, 9 pm, 11... This scares me just a little bit. I know what the future holds, and it's what I want, but I can't help but wonder what life will be like when I'm working 70-hour weeks and don't have time for a spouse or a puppy or prime time television. Actually, it will probably be a lot like my life is now.

My left ear just "popped." All day long I've felt like I am on an international flight, but add constant ringing in each ear and take away the unnervingly yummy food and 8 gay men asking me if I want headphones. So I can finally hear clearly out of one ear. Riddle me this: How do I get the other one to do the same?

I finally got a new phone. My little old Samsung phone had been on the verge of death since the 190th time I dropped it and it rolled under my car in a parking lot, losing a chunk of metal that looked like it was probably necessary. After that the phone still lasted for two months, but this week the screen stopped lighting up, and I couldn't see who was calling me. I had to take my chances and answer blindly, my voice trembling just a little bit, hoping it was someone I actually wanted to talk to. NOT THAT I SCREEN CALLS OR ANYTHING. I hate razrs, but I got one. So far it's the best phone I've ever had. We'll see how long it lasts.

I think it's time for a movie or a nap. Enjoy your weekend. I know I'll enjoy mine... in bed.

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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

it fell

last night was the most beautiful that i have experienced in a while.
it was borderline lovely, which would have put it right up there with that last night in london, running back to piccadilly, holding hands.
except last night i was alone, and that was quite all right.
i say it only because therein lies the distinction between lovely and beautiful.
which brings me back to my point.
i left 1817 and wandered quietly down pine, leaves crunching sporadically beneath my cold feet.
too cold for sandals.
the air was so crisp and clean.
because i was so over summer.
and it's finally fall.

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Friday, September 22, 2006

i am an idiot

I thought my class this morning was at 9:30... turns out on FRIDAYS it's at 11. I looked like a total douche sitting in the class, looking around and wondering where my classmates were. Plus, I didn't need to get up at 7 AM!!! FOOL!

At any rate, my work is done, I'm ready for class, and I have some time to kill before class begins. Sounds like a perfect opportunity for a survey, no??

I like surveys because (a) they break up the monotony of venting/ranting/raving on a blog and (b) they often give an accurate account of a person's mood and what is going on in his life at the time of the post. So here's a survey my old GCC buddy Jen (who recently found me on Myspace despite my best efforts to hide from people like her :-) posted:

1. How tall are you barefoot?
5'8.5" according to the receptionist at my doctor's office, but she could be on crack. I feel like I'm 5'7"

2. Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship?
When I was in Costa Rica and carrying on the charade of a long-distance relationship, I kissed a number of Ticos, but they were all gorgeous, so I don't think it counts.

3. Do you own a gun?
I don't like guns. That said, YES. I do happen to own a gun, but only because it is somewhat of a family tradition, and it was my dad's. (Big ups to the NRA!) DON'T JUDGE ME!

4. If you had a mental disorder, what would it be?
I would definitely be bi-polar if I had to classify myself, but that would be an overstatment. Wait, is that what the question meant? If the question means, "if you COULD have a mental disorder, what would it be?", then my answer is clearly anorexia. Gosh, I wish I had the willpower.

5. How many letters are in your crush's first name?
I'm choosing to bypass this question out of its lameness
I just left Jen's answer, because it was perfecto.

6. What do you think of hot dogs??
I haven't had them for a while, but they are one of the very few true loves of my life, right up there with Jacob and Ally McBeal. But a couple weeks ago I found amazing Tofu Dogs at the supermarket, and I ate the entire package within 3 days. Mmm..

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
Rebecca St James' version of "O Holy Night" - just amazing in every way. Or almost any version of O Holy Night, actually. Oh, and I also love Britney's "My Only Wish This Year," which I should be (but am not) ashamed to admit.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Water, for several reasons. Great for a hangover on the weekends, great for the skin, necessary for taking vitamins, and speeds up the morning BM :-)

9. Do you do push-ups?
Often... but no longer daily.

10. Have you ever done ecstasy?
I've never done any such thing.

11. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
I wish./Sick!

12. Do you like the rain?
Very much so, as long as I can stay inside. Preferably in bed. Preferably with windows open. Preferably somebody brings me pizza and a bed pan, and I never ever have to get out of my bed again. Oh, wait... I went too far.

13. Are you sweet?
I don't trust "sweet."

14. On a scale of 1 to 10(ten being the best) what do u rate yourself?
I don't know what we're talking about. Looks? Intelligence? Ice-skater? I cannot answer this question.

15. Do you have A.D.D?
Not at all. I have great concentration and focus. I sit and read for 9 hours every day.

16. full initials?

17. Name 4 thoughts at this exact moment.
1) I don't really sit and read for 9 hours per day. Maybe 4 or 5
3) I could be studying tax.
4) I need a vacation

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought in the past week.
1) Margaritas at el vez last night
2) A decaf grande soy latte yesterday afternoon
3) Dress socks - 6 pairs

19. What CD is in your car right now?
A mix cd I made for my mom to listen to, since I left my car at home and KNOW she's going to be driving it, because it's more fun and better on gas than her beast of a huge SUV.

20. What time did you wake up today?
7 AM because I thought I had class at 9:30 and I WAS WRONG, OKAY!? But I had such a productive morning!

21. Can you spell?
Yes. Always could. It's intuitive. I used to think my classmates were disabled because they couldn't remember/figure out HOW to spell words that made sense to me. Like aardvark and narcissistic. And that was in 4th grade.

22. Current worry?
I... Need... A... Job.

23. Current hate?
Leggings under skirts. WHY?
OMIGOSH JEN I LEFT THIS ANSWER THE SAME BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! And my girlfriends don't get it, but I just can't STAND it. Sorry Teresa and Carey, but everyone thinks that's gross. They told me.

24. Favorite place to be?
Anywhere with my close friends, but preferably a bar or really great restaurant

25. Least favorite place to be?
Waiting for the subway. KILLL ME NOWWWW.

26. Where would you like to go?
Greece. And I might like to go back to London with someone special. I love that city.

27. Do you own slippers?
Yes, comfy grandpa slippers I can't wait to wear in my apt this winter. With pajama bottoms.

28. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
Slaving away in a law firm, having no life, and wearing fabulous clothes to make myself feel better about it. Hopefully I'll be in a relationship, but at the rate I'm going...

29. Do you burn or tan?
Burn burn burn. I haven't been tan for years. I hate the sun.

30. Yellow or blue?
I don't... what?

31. Would you be a pirate?
If one more person says the word "pirate" to me this week I am going to drop something, ask that person to pick it up, and kick him or her in the face while he or she is down there picking up the article that I dropped. WHAT IS IT WITH PIRATES, PEOPLE? DON'T BE MORONS.

32. Last time your phone rang?
It might be better to ask, "Last time your phone DIDN'T ring?" Eh? Get it? Mmhmm.
19 people called me yesterday.

33. What song do you sing in the shower?
Depends. Right now it is probably from Justin's new cd. "lovestoned/Ithinksheknows" is great. Just great. Download it NOW.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Sasquatch. No joke. After I saw Harry and the Hendersons, I was filled with trepidation for years, and my bed was against my windows, and I grew up in the wilderness with dense trees outside my house, so I would stare outside and think I saw bigfoot walking!!! I'm a little scared just remembering it. But I don't think bigfoot could live in Philly, so I know I'm safe. At least while I'm in the city.

35. What's in your pockets right now?
chapstick. one subway token. my temple ID. and a lot of hope and idealism.

36. What's the last thing that made you laugh?
I LOL'd a few times last night with T and E. About what? Inappropriate comments and my tactlessness. But they love me, so they are very forgiving.

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
Oscar the Grouch. No joke.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
I have never been hurt. EVER. Nor will I be...

39. Last email?
From a friend, asking about an interview I had this week. I have really great friends

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
One. Any more than one means you are a completely depressed, empty person who iis trying to fill the void with fiction.

41. Favorite song of all time? I have decided that this is a very personal question, and I am no longer going to tell any tom, dick, or harry who comes along.

42. Coke or Pepsi?
NEITHER. Soda is LIQUID SATAN. Read "SKINNY BITCH" - Running Press, 2005, and you'll know what I mean

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
Um.. YEAH. Obviously.

44. Do you wish on stars?
I used to.

45. what is your favorite book?
El Principito/The Little Prince

46. What song did you last hear? "Irreplaceable" Beyonce

47. When were you last kissed?
That is so personal.

48. What is your favorite cereal?
Kashi GO LEAN!

49.What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping. No doubt.

50.What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
What to eat for breakfast and wondering whether Carey was home :-)

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Friday, August 04, 2006

Friday Afternoon Laziness Survey
Current mood: bored

1. What does your MySpace headline mean?
It's a bitter toast that I remember Carey saying one night. I just wanted to add a little attitude to mysweet, nice-guyprofile, I guess. Oh, and I hold grudges. Yes. Serious grudges. ?

2. Elaborate on your default photo:
OH. Okay, well, so... so in this photo... yeah, I was in Rome? And Carey and I were climbing these steps to a cathedral in Capitoline. I guess they're special steps because pilgrims from all over come and walk up them on their knees. But there are SO MANY, right!? It seriously took like THIRTY MINUTES or maybe four minutes to get to the top. Yeah, that's the photo.

3. Who was the last person to make you smile
Wow, I hate to keep saying her name, but Carey e-mailed me at work today and made me laugh. Any time she calls someone a bitch I think it's hilarious.

4. What's your current relationship status
Oh... well, I'm single, as always. But you know... I got ho's in different area codes. As always.

5. What EXACTLY are you wearing right now?
My glasses. And light grey banana republic chinos, brown belt, green banana republic button-down, grey and green socks from the gap, brown dress shoes, grey trunk undies (i totally match, all the time) and NO TIE because it's CASUAL FRIDAY. So TAKE A WALK, BITCHES!!!

6. What is your current problem?
I want to go home, but I have to stay at work for a while longer, and I have lots of obligations coming up in my life, but all I really want to do is lie around for a month, maybe become a shut-in and just lie around forever, until I weigh 1000 lbs and a wall of my home needs to be knocked down to get me out of my bedroom. Yeah, that would solve all my problems.

7. What do you love most?
Sleep. Maybe the cool morning air at 6 AM, before the summer heat drops like a pile of shit onto my day. I'm SO not a summer person.

8. What makes you most happy?
Hm, MOST happy? A lot of things make me happy, but being surrounded by people I love, maybe at a restaurant or bar, just laughing... that's really when I am happiest. Like that night when Eric was visiting from Philly and T and Carey and Jam and PK and Andrea and Bryan and Cat all came over to my apartment just to chill and talk and drink... I was revelling! Now I have an even larger apartment, so there's room for MORE ;-)

9. Do you think someone from the same sex likes you?
I think a lot of boys like me. So what? You wanna fight about it? I can't help that I'm popular, and I don't think I should be punished for being well-liked. I don't think my father, the inventor of toaster strudel, would be too pleased to hear about this.

10. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would that be?
My underwear, this morning, because they are totally riding UP. Oh, and I might have been nicer to some people in high school so that I wouldn't have had to apologize later. Oh, and I might have kept that piercing, just because now I'm like "it would be cool to have a piercing" like the one I had. But you shouldn't live in the past!

11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what would you be?
Oh, definitely a cat,because I could lie in the sun all day... that would be purrfect. Also, I wouldn't mind being able to lick myself all over... for cleaning purposes, of course. As a bed-ridden shut-in, self-cleaning ability would come in quite handy.

12. Ever have a near death experience?
I was in a terrible car accident and wrecked my little Jetta. I loved that car.It was a total death accident for the car, and I wasn't even scratched. *looks up* Thanks to m' GURARDIAN ANGELS! YEAH. BIG UPS!!!

13. What did you do last night?
Oh here's where it gets depresso. I went home, ate dinner, sat and chatted online, washed the windows in my car, looked at dirty photos online, read ISHMAEL, showered, talked on the phone with Chicago, helped my mom pack for Vegas, made a cd, and went to bed. Yes, okay, my life is BORING and FAT.

14. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head?
The last song I heard this morning before getting out of my car -- WHO KNEW by Pink, which I D/L'd last night before BED. I think it's good, even though it comes from Pink, who is a total closet lesbo and has bad hair.

15. Last thing you ate?
Oh, I packed a fun lunch: yogurt with cereal mixed in (but not mixed until right before I ate it - I didn't want to slurpupa soggy mess), broccoli and ranch dressing, a cheese and broccoli sprout low-carb wrap, and a banana. I'm now burping up broccoli-scented air.

16. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
Amelia Earhart - spooky. J.Lo., who just turned 36 and is looking HOT unlike herfugmo esposo Marco Antonio. Also Coleen Mulhern.

17. Have you ever vandalized someone's private property?
Yes. I was an impressionable child with a delinquent older brother.

18. Have you ever been in a fight?
I fought with my brother. AND in 5th grade I beat up a girl named Katie on the playground because she made fun of my hair. I had a bowl cut, which was TOTALLY COOL back then, and she called me "mushroom head." That bitch. If I ever see her again, I'll CUT HER.

19. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
"We Three Kings" with 2 other boys in 4th grade. I was Gaspar, i think. Oh, and my cousin Michaela and I did a duet in 5th grade - it was some extremely gay song, like "a few of my favorite things" or "the rainbow connection." I was GOOOOOD before my you-know-whats dropped and my voice changed.

20. What are you doing tonight?
Dinner with the owner of a restaurant where I used to work. Then maybe watching family guy and finishing Ishmael.

21. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
I'm not longer drinking caffeine, after reading Skinny Bitch. But normally a grande, nonfat, no-foam, 3-equal latte is the call.

22. Do you have a crush on anybody?
Yes. Very much so. On your MOM. :-) But seriously, yes.

23. Ever had a drunken night in Mexico?
Do 6 months of drunken nights in costa rica count? Dancing until 5 AM, kissing random "Ticos," somehow finding my way home... that was fun.

24. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Yeah, I used to get "Matt Dillon" a lot, but now I just get "Maggie Gylenhaal" all the time. I've definitely lost my cuteness.

25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV show?
I watched SHREK 2 nights ago. Does that count?

26. Did you have braces?
Yes, but only for 8 months to pull my buck teeth back to a more human angle in my mouth.

27. Are you comfortable with your height?
No. It pains me to be freakishly tall. 5'9" is a curse. A CURSE, I tell you!

28. When was the last time you spent the night somewhere?
like... anywhere? I spend the night somewhere every night. Somewhere different? I guess in my new apartment in philly last weekend, or in someone else's new apartment in philly the weekend before?

29. Do you speak any other languages?
Spanish, just enough Italian to point and grunt and get by, and I can read French ( AKA the most illogical language in the world, even worse than the hoots and clickscommon to sometribes in Papua New Guinea)

30. Whats your favorite smell?
any smell that conjures up a good memory or a pleasant emotion - and there are many! smell is very closely linked with memory. did you know that?

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Thursday, July 27, 2006

"Flying while black." WTF??

I thought I should share this article from a Philadelphia newspaper because it is hilarious. The ridiculous puns alone should get the writer beaten until he cries, but that's the not why it is hilarious. Just imagine big, beautiful Monique standing in the aisle of the plane screaming about her hair dryer while a tiny little flight attendant - either the gayest man you have ever seen or a tiny white woman with a sheepish smile and thick ankles - stammers on about post-9/11 safety. HA! Sure, it's a potential case of racial discrimination, but Monique makes everything funnier. Oh, and if you are black, you should no longer fly with United. But what about the rest of us? What about MY hair dryer?? Anyway, read the article.

Mo'Nique is booted off United flight

Philadelphia Daily News

July 26, 2006

WAS Mo'Nique a victim of Flying While Black?

The friendly skies were not too friendly for the "Showtime at the Apollo" host, who got booted from a United Airlines flight Sunday at Chicago O'Hare International Airport, according to a story in the New York Daily News.

She says her ouster was due to racism.

"I felt like I was being treated like an animal," she said. "This happens to black people all the time, and they don't have a voice. I have a voice."

The altercation started, reports the News, over a hair dryer.

Mo'Nique was flying first class. Her stylist was flying coach. But the stylist put the hair dryer in a first-class overhead compartment.

Flight attendants first questioned the stylist, but pressure in the cabin really began to rise when a second flight attendant refused to believe the hair dryer was Mo'Nique's.

"Tell your people that the next time they have an attitude, they are being thrown off... . Since 9-11, we don't play around," one flight attendant allegedly told Mo'Nique.

"Are you equating my hair dryer with 9-11?" Mo'Nique allegedly responded.

Soon after, Mo'Nique was escorted off the plane and Chicago police were called to deal with a "disgruntled and belligerent passenger."

"It was humiliating," she said.

Mo'Nique was flying to New York to co-host "The View" Monday, and she eventually got on the next United flight out of O'Hare.

But she's till peeved.

"I won't (fly United again), and I hope no other black person will fly them either," she told the New York Daily News.

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Thursday, June 29, 2006

new diet

Just two weeks until I return home, and I have failed miserably at my goal of returning to the states less corpulent than when I left. I had such good intentions to exercise and eat sensibly, but my plan was thwarted.

Did you know that the Italian food pyramid includes only 4 food groups? It does; they are: refined carbohydrates, olive oil, gelati, and pork. If I were eating meat at this stage in my life, I would resort to Atkins, but that is really not an option. I can't even fill up on diet soda, since Skinny Bitch brainwashed me and I haven't had a drop of it since the first week of May.

I know what you're thinking -- I should just crash diet for a few weeks once I return home. I will be in Honey Grove an entire month with nothing to do but run on the treadmill and watch E! True Hollywood Stories. But I don't want to wait that long to drop these last, pesky 30 lbs.

Therefore, my only option is to subsist on mineral water and laxatives for the next two weeks. Wish me luck!!

Also, remember to check the Italia blog every now and again. DO IT.

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Monday, June 05, 2006

il blog

Hi, kids... My friends and I are blogging about our time in Italy; also, we'll share digiphotos, so check the blog to see photos and to hear what's up over here.


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Tuesday, May 23, 2006


as i was running today i crossed paths with 3 mommies pushing 3 babyful strollers around old city

my 10-year plan includes pushing my baby in a stroller on a sunny spring afternoon

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Thursday, May 18, 2006


Life is moving so fast right now, and so much is going on that I can hardly keep up.

Carey and I found an apartment.
After a couple days of frustration, the matter is finished.
And the place is fantastic. Maybe the nicest apartment I've seen in Philadelphia, and that includes a classmate's apt in a high-rise on Rittenhouse Square. No joke. Oh, and I'm not bragging because it's not MINE yet, I'm just telling you all about this beautiful apartment that we saw. So I'm not boasting :-)

But we already put in the deposit, and the apt has been taken off the market, so it's ours.

It's just one block from where I am now, sits directly across Spruce St. from the Kimmel Center, and is half of the top floor of a huge brownstone. It's technically Rittenhouse, because it's on the west side of Broad, so I guess I now live in Rittenhouse instead of the lovely little gaybhorhood.

Okay, about the apartment: First of all, the place is huge. Too much space, maybe. I'll need to buy more furniture. Two big bedrooms. Big living room, nice bathroom with actual counter space, which will be a welcome change. Everything in the apt is new - appliances, granite countertops, ceramic tile bathroom, all of it. All hardwood floors, but carpet in the entryway and up the stairs to the breakfast nook - an actual separate space for a little table, right off the kitchen. Really a cute, interestingly designed apartment. Very nice building, too. Same management co. that Claire rents from, and she says they're fantastic.

This may seem like an exaggeration, but I'm being totally honest: the new apt makes my present apt look like a dirty little hole. So I want to move NOW.


The only thing weighing me down is this 10-page piece of crap that's due Tuesday - blah.
But there's too much good stuff going on to focus on that one bad thing, so I'm smiling.

That's all.

My next update will probably be from Rome.

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Saturday, May 13, 2006

the dangers of vodka

First of all, if i were one of the X-Men, my name would be Dehydro. My special powers would be peeing really yellow pee and taking advil.

Second, I woke up with a gash in my left ankle, and I genuinely have no idea where it came from.

Third, last night when I got home I fell face-down onto my hard-wood floor in my living room, a lot like the time that a certain person who shall remain nameless but who will almost certainly read this tripped me at GCC and I flew face-forward to the ground with my arms wide open.

Fourth, I'm beginning to remember making a huge fool of myself by flirting with Tim James, who is straight and is very nice but not even my type in any way.

Liam throws the best parties.

That last one isn't one of the dangers of vodka.

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Thursday, May 11, 2006

i cry freedom!

at this time tomorrow

i will be

finished with my first year

i will be a 2L (TOOl, as Carey would say)




but there's still one exam in the way of that freedom, so here goes! it's time to show my WHOOP DE WHOO energy and my HEY! HEY! HEY!

you know how it is.

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Thursday, May 04, 2006

it turns out

not even halfway through finals

i'm tired

i'm stressed

i'm sick of studying

but underneath it all, i just realized, i'm really happy

i am the luckiest

and in the spirit of thankfulness, i'm going to follow T's lead and make a 'good things' list. oprah used to call it her gratitude journal

Good Things:

still being in pajamas at 3 pm

finally learning to appreciate the flavor of V8 (so healthy, it's worth the effort)

knowing in a few weeks my best friends ever will be coming to visit

lunch with some lovely girls yesterday (carey, jamila, andrea, liam)

the one really fantastic employee at the starbucks on my block -- the red-headed girl (she encouraged me to try the new papua new guinea - manders, i'm not that impressed, just so you know. though it does taste chocolatey, i think)

watching one of my favorite episodes of w&g, because T's desktop photo made me crave it (the one where grace refuses to get out of bed after her breakup, and everyone crawls into bed with her)

seeing carey be calm and not stressed about finals - reminds me to chill out

running over to penn's landing and back has been a fantastic escape this and last week!

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Saturday, April 29, 2006


Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I simply need to spend an afternoon at Starbucks. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons making a quick stop on their way somewhere, mothers and daughters taking a shopping break, husbands and wives stopping in after a show or a nice dinner, boyfriends flirting, girlfriends gossiping, old friends meeting up for coffee...

I spent Friday afternoon sitting at Starbucks with my friends, studying Property, and the place seemed to be the center of the universe. UArts kids were celebrating their final classes. An old woman sat reading the paper and sipping coffee. An old friend stopped in to chat with me and Andrea. A little boy with Spider-Man sneakers waited patiently while his mother got her latte. Outside, couples enjoyed the sun, strolling leisurely. Just an ordinary afternoon, and not a gloomy face in sight.

*some words taken from Love Actually

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Saturday, April 22, 2006


It's finals time once again. I foresee in the weeks ahead many long days in the library, many anxious nights, and many trips to 7-Eleven and Starbucks.

So now I'll share my feelings:

I'm a little worried about grades. They just... matter so much! These grades determine our futures, people! Not to freak you out or anything.

I'm also concerned that finals will jack up my Roma diet. So I am promising now, in front of all of you, not to sit and eat all day while I study. I also vow to go to the gym 4 days a week from now until the end of May. There. With myspace buddies as my witness...

Above all, I think I'm excited. The next month is going to be action-packed! 3 weeks of finals! Then a week of the write-on competition. Then Adam and Eric will be here the weekend of the 26th. Ed and Danielle's wedding is the 29th - I'm excited for my first Jewish wedding. And the next morning Carey and I hop a long flight across the Atlantic to Roma. And that's only the beginning. I'm so excited for the adventures ahead. I'm excited to scour Italy for a perfect wedding gift for Manders. I could go on, but I won't.

Now you know what's going on in my life. If I don't talk to some of you for a little while, give me a call. Surely I'll miss you.

"And in case I don't see ya... good afternoon, good evening, and good night."

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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

it turns out...

the ladies in the disco club
ain't the ones to be fallin' in love with

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Friday, April 14, 2006

some thoughts

This has been one of the longest weeks of my life. Unfortunately, as it is finals time once again, the concept of weekends temporarily does not exist. It's okay, though, I'll have a weekend in the middle of May.

This morning I ate a piece of white chocolate strawberry torte for breakfast. It'll probably end up being the highlight of my day.

I think it's time to actually diet. Really, actually monitor and control my eating habits. Exercise really is not enough. Besides, I told Eric that when he lost 8 lbs, I would go on a diet. At this point he's probably lost 10.

I'm going to apply for jobs in DC for next summer. If I summer in DC and get an offer there, then maybe it was meant to be. Or something.

Last night I drank two beers and watched TV before bed, instead of reading Contracts and going right to sleep or running home from the gym, showering, and trying to get my requisite 10 hours. Last night I slept so much better than I normally do. Was it the relaxation or the beer?

I think I like too many people at school - it's distracting. There are too many guys and gals I enjoy talking to, hanging out with, going out with... My grades would be so much better if I didn't have friends.

Yet when I look back at undergrad, I can't help but wish I had not studied so much. Maybe we should have taken more trips, done more shopping, been to Rachel's a few more times. Because when I look back, aside from a few Spanish studying moments with Amanda, I remember not the studying or even what I learned, but rather the fun times, the trips to Canada or Ohio or even Pittsburgh...

I wasted a lot of time in College worrying about having a boyfriend. Ima try not to do that anymore.

I miss Patrick and Zachary a lot. I'm not sure why those guys are in the same category, other than they're both accessible by bus yet I've seen neither of them since the Dec./Jan.

My mom sent me a postcard from Oklahoma, but I haven't gotten it yet. I'll bet money that the postcard is of a) a sunset b) some kind of livestock or c) a studly cowboy wearing chaps with no pants underneath. -HAHA Just kidding!!! (my mom knows I hate livestock)

Here goes Friday...

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Friday, March 24, 2006

sick eric

1. sick

i thought i had the flu
i called my mom crying (more about the fact that rite aid was sold out of cadbury cream eggs than about being sick) and she told me she heard of a 3-day bug going around.
i called her effing crazy (okay, not out loud. she'd slap me through the phone).
turns out the thing lasted only 3 days. moms always know best.
yeah, my throat is still scratchy, and i had a headache all day, but it sure beats the flu!

2. eric
i'm so excited that i want to clench my fists really tight and shake them while squealing.
eric will be here in about 16 hours.
yeah, i know what you're thinking - i get tons of visitors. and it's true. zachary and danielle visit me now and again. ash and dimitri visited me. even my mom's made a trip to philly.
but there's something about one of my very closest buds ever coming for the first time.
you're thinking 'it's about time' -- i know, right?.
i was beginning to re-consider his best-bud status.
i'm questioning whether i'll even refer to amanda as a friend any more, but that's another blog entry. (she's planning her wedding, blah, blah)
but people are busy, and i'm just thankful for the time we have

so here's to a fluless, funful weekend!

just catchin' y'all up!

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Monday, March 20, 2006

What's happening to the world?
Current mood: amused

I've refused to use myspace for so long

I've been vehemently opposed to blogging for so much longer

Today I got myspace, and I think right now I'm blogging

I am a weak, weak man So weak. So so cute -- I MEAN weak!

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