So, this is my life.

And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

Monday, August 31, 2009

like nobody else

"People have stars, but they aren't the same. For travelers, the stars are guides. For other people, they're nothing but tiny lights. And for still others, for scholars, they're problems. For my businessman, they were gold. But all those stars are silent stars. You, though, you'll have stars like nobody else."

"What do you mean?"

"When you look up at the sky at night, since I'll be living on one of them, since I'll be laughing on one of them, for you, it'll be as if all the stars are laughing. You'll have stars that can laugh!"

And he laughed again.

"And when you're consoled (everyone is eventually consoled), you'll be glad you've known me. You'll always be my friend. You'll feel like laughing with me. And you'll open your windows sometimes just for the fun of it... And your friends will be amazed to see you laughing while you're looking up at the sky. Then you'll tell them, 'Yes, it's the stars. They always make me laugh!"

Friday, August 28, 2009

power (ballad) hungry

i find myself feeling nostalgic after hearing this classic while i waited in line at Quizno's. (.......for a salad, of course).

what ever happened to the power ballad? why did rock music stop screaming its heart out? i guess we still have bands like Paramore and even *gags at the thought of* Nickelback, but they don't compare with the late '80's rockers. i guess maybe Daughtry comes close.

but i want more.

so listen up, modern rockstars: start singing it like you mean it! cry a little! grow your hair long! bring back the ballad!

that's all. thanks.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

need a prescription for RLD

Xanax, Paxil, Zoloft, Flexeril... sounds like a colorful candy dish of feel-good treats to me. yumm...

but lately i've been thinking about our drugged up society (no judgment!). we've all been diagnosed with anxiety disorders and depression and insomnia and -- the list goes on. almost everyone i know has a prescription for something mood-related (and, thank god, many of them like to share. thanks, mom!).

it's just that i'm beginning to wonder if we really have all these disorders. at the end of the day, doesn't even the most sane among us feel anxious, on edge, and maybe even a little bit down? maybe a lot down, depending on what the day had in store for you.

yes, some people have debilitating mental or emotional problems. and if you do, i'm not encouraging you to stop taking your medication. you might need it, and you might suffer from serious anxiety or clinical depression. but i suspect that most of us just have RLD.

Real Life Disorder. when 6pm hits, and you realize that no matter how productive you have been, or how hard you worked, tomorrow will include more of the same. your work will never be done. your bills will never stop coming due. the road ahead of you is long and, at times it might seem, very difficult.

Real Life Disorder. when it's only noon and you can't help but think, "i could really use a drink."

Real Life Disorder. when your workplace or your family is in turmoil, and there's nothing you can do about it but try to ignore it. at least for a little while.

of course we all have good days, fun days, vacation days, inspired days. but RLD can affect any one of us, at any time. you never know when it will sneak up on you -- on an idle tuesday afternoon or a relaxing sunday night. "ugh, tomorrow it's back to real life. i don't want the weekend to end..."

despite all my pondering, i haven't yet arrived at a solution that beats the ease and availibility of prescription drugs that take the edge off of RLD. maybe the key is yoga. maybe it's finding your true calling. maybe it's as simple as falling in love, which always makes the world turn a bit more smoothly.

i'm sorry to disappoint you. i don't know anything about anything.

now can i have some of your Xanax?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

somebody's secret


what i wish i had said, part IV

I was born just fine the first time, thank you.

-a bumper sticker i saw this morning. love it.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

real love

Because, that’s the thing about love, really. No one will love you how you want to be loved, they’ll love you in the only ways they know how.

Life throws everyone down drastically different paths so how can we expect everyone to love in the same way? The person you’ll spend your lifetime with will love you in their way and you’ll love in yours, and maybe you’ll meet in the middle and it’ll last.

None of us know what we’re doing, you see, we’re just fumbling for matches in the dark.

still obsessed

i'm posting it again because, frankly, i can't stop listening to it. my compulsive replaying is quickly pushing this Barcelona song up on my most played list.

Monday, August 24, 2009

my morning smile

i'm not all about the Twitter, but it turns out that someone's using it in a novel and very entertaining way.

check out the twitter of 28 year-old Justin, who doesn't post his own inane goings-on, but rather updates us all with the priceless gems that come out of the mouth of his septegenarian father. he calls his project "Shit My Dad Says."

a few i like:

"The dog is an outside dog. You want an inside dog, you go get your own inside."

"Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me."

"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."

"The dog is not bored, it's a fucking dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He's a god damned dog."

a day late.

when words fail

Maybe crying is a means of cleaning yourself out emotionally. Or maybe it’s your communication of last resort; the only way to express yourself when words fail the same as when you were a baby and had no words.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


Don't cry. We're not like that. We're the Vikings, remember?

white oleander. love.

there goes my social life

wait and hope

There is neither happiness nor unhappiness in this world; there is only the comparison of one state with another. Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss. It is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live…

The sum of all human wisdom will be contained in these two words: wait and hope.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

about love

i feel like i've been seeing a lot of movies lately, and i can't help but recommend or, alternatively, criticize them all.

last night i saw a flick that i have to give a big ol' recommendation.
i hadn't heard much about 500 Days of Summer, nor had i even seen the trailer. on a whim, and based upon it's unusually high rating on RottenTomatoes (i'm obsessed with that site and check it before seeing any movie), i went to see it last night.

i don't want to give too much away by weighing in on the debate about whether this is a cute romantic comedrama or whether, as the film's narrator warns, "you should know up front, this is not a love story."

whether it is, in fact, a love story is for you to decide.

all i can say is that the movie is lovely, yet somehow realistic and relatable. in addition, it has a very nice soundtrack, a fantastic and adorable male lead, and a quirky and fun structure/sequence to the film. thanks to all these good qualities in the film, i didn't even mind that horrid zooey deschanel girl so much. that's such a bullshit name, by the way.

just go see it, okay? and once you have, come back and tell me whether this is a love story or not.

say goodnight and go

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

who's getting excited?


saw it saturday afternoon. cried. a lot.

and because several of you have asked what i thought, i'll try to sum it up.

in short: if you haven't seen it, i recommend it.

if you've read the book, don't expect to be blown away. it really doesn't compare. that said,
you'll still enjoy it for being a good movie, despite a lot of missing pieces and a somewhat skewed tone overall in comparison.

if you haven't read the book, i think you'll enjoy it. it's a very complex story that has been whittled down to a digestible, beautiful, and still heart-wrenching love story. IMHO, that is. some people would totally disagree with me.

possibly because i really like rachel mcadams, partly because i relate to, and can get very emotional over, the themes expressed through the tumultuous relationship between clare and henry... i have few criticisms of the film while acknowledging that it wasn't perfect, nor did it necessarily do the novel justice.

eh, i guess that's to be expected when art is translated to a new medium. i've said my piece.

real love

Love is never having to say you’re sorry -- What a crock! Love is constantly saying you’re sorry, even when you know damn well you’re right.

but those words are so incredibly difficult to say.

Monday, August 17, 2009

dorian gray

a fantastic book, finally coming to film.

probably worthy of a re-read before seeing this.

dumming down

all right, i've just about had it.

either the internets are making people stupid, or i just have a lot of f-book friends and chat buddies who are grammatically retarded.

i ain't tryin to get all preachy here, but there are some important distinctions that need to be communicated, since apparently high school english teachers across the country failed to do so.

i'm talking about serious public health concerns such as:
then v. than
to v. too
its v. it's
your v. you're

not to mention simple spelling. how many times have you seen the word "definately" on a facebook update or in a blog? it makes my grey matter fart.

the baffling part of this entire crisis (yes, it's now at code orange, in my opinion) is that my f-book and real life friends (excluding most of the ones i know from high school) are smart -- no, more than smart! my friends are overachieving, creative, talented, and detail-oriented. some of them are veritable wordsmiths!

so what's the malfunction?

my theory? maybe the fast-paced world of words that exists inside all our laptops is the problem. maybe people are "thinking" and communicating and acting so quickly to keep up with blogs and twatter and news and editorials that they don't have the TIME to pause and google a word like "epiphany" before blurtyping it out. maybe the second it takes to ask, "is there an apostrophe between the 'it' and the 's'?" is simply too long to wait.

i don't want to sound judgmental. the truth is, i'm just as guilty as everyone else. because one time, in college, i misspelled something. (i know, right? mortifying.)

i just want the world of words to be a better place -- not only for those of us who read it compulsively, but also for for the younger generations, who experience the world through a screen and who see no need to pick up a book.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Thursday, August 13, 2009

chobsky says...

I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.

from tpobaw.

my morning smile

looks just like my puss.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

the day the earth stood still

the day began like any other.

i woke up, shaved and dressed despite being at least half asleep. walked the 15 minutes to work. new iPod Touch keeps getting stuck on "repeat song." annoying. i should learn how to work that thing. got to work. homepage. news. my boss sent me an e-mail at 5:15 am. and i thought i was an early bird. checkin' da blogrolllllll. what's going o


my favorite blog, the one that keeps me awake, the one that can make me laugh on even the most stressful of days, is -- gulp -- blocked. no more dlisted? really?

wait, no gossip blogs whatsoever? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? i don't even like perez, but at least it's something! but no. they're all blocked. adult content? mature? no way!

i didn't really think anything of it yesterday when i received a firm-wide e-mail about temporary interference with e-mail, internet, blah blah, new firewall, blah blah.

i didn't realize that our IT guy would take away my very source of joy, my fount of pleasure and entertainment in the weary desert of corporate 9-5 life. i weep. i had a dream.

of course, it's not in my nature to accept the horrors brandished in my face by fate. that terrible disease called "employment" has ruined enough of my life already; i won't let it win. to adulthood i cry, "NO THANK YOU PLEASE!"

no thank you, indeed. i shall overcome.

a quick stop on my iGoogle homepage, and i add a few blogs to my Google Reader, and TA-DA!

all better.

that was a close one.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

rule for life # I WISH

on those long work days during which you expend great amounts of mental energy, there is no need to go to the gym or otherwise expend extra physical energy.

Monday, August 10, 2009

things i'll never say -- or will i?

below is a blog entry i posted over a year ago. at the time, a very close friend of mine was preparing to start law school; naturally, i took it upon myself to offer some hindsightful perspective and advice that first-year law students aren't likely to hear at orientation.

this week my dear roommate, shaunice, is starting her 3-year journey through law school. i thought i should re-post for her benefit...

* * *

two days a week, i work as a tour guide. continuing in the tradition of my part-timing tour guide days at grove city, i now lead prospective and admitted students around the law school "campus," smiling all the way. not fake smiling, either. it's genuine.

my disclaimer to my tour-ees when they ask about my law school experience is that i probably wouldn't be giving tours were i not having a pretty fantastic experience. and, to an extent, the same was true in undergrad. i've had great experiences, and i'm happy to tell people about them as i orient them to campus.

there are some things i don't say, though -- either because the tour-ees don't ask, or because i prefer to be encouraging, or simply because i view myself as a PR rep for the school, and my employers would prefer that i leave out the negatives. and that's understandable. i want to shine the very best light on my alma mater.

lately, though, i feel compelled to offer advice to the incoming or prospective law students. why? well, possibly because i'm finishing my tenure and can reflect upon the past three years. also, i know several people entering law school in the near future, and i sincerely care about their sanity and success. so before i'm out the door, onto the fun job i have lined up and into the working world, i'd like to share with you my advice for how to succeed in law school, entitled:

how to "succeed" in law school

1. grades matter. in fact, grades are the only thing that matters.

sound harsh? well, it is. especially since your entire semester grade is based on one four-hour exam on a day when you may or may not feel up to it. you may or may not have a heavy-flow period, and you may or may not have severe anxiety-induced IBS.

adding insult to injury is the reality that the qualities that make someone a truly good lawyer will be ignored by many potential employers. these qualities include,
inter alia, social skills, networking skills, a genuine desire to use your energy and brain power for the good of our society, and even the simple desire to practice law.

i should, in all fairness, add that this applies only for certain jobs -- namely, the ones that pay well. other jobs, such as public sector and public interest jobs, are often doled out based upon desire to practice in that field, commitment to a position, professional capability and potential, etc.

2. you don't really have to learn the law to succeed in law school.

seriously, you don't. all you really have to do is cram. you'll spend 3 months taking 150 pages of notes, then you'll spend one month turning those 150 pages of notes into a 40 page outline, then you'll spend a week (at most, if you're a total nerd like my roommate and i were) before an exam memorizing those 40 pages so that you can do well on your exam.

next, you will forget everything you learned.

this is totally acceptable because, before you take the bar exam that will test you on "what you've learned in law school," you will re-learn (
more accurately, you will learn for the first time) everything - SERIOUSLY, EVERYTHING - you need to know about the law to pass that bar exam and be admitted to practice as an attorney.

does it seem wrong that all we really need to become attorneys is an expensive, 2-month long bar review course, rather than 3 years of
even more expensive law school? yes. is there anything you can do about it? no.

3. it's often about who you know.

but i'll start off with a caveat here, and that is this: don't let people fool you. i'll explain in a minute.

for many law students, "it" is about who you know. many of your classmates will get internships and jobs by virtue of who their parents are, who their parents know, who they've met at networking events, and how strategically they've aligned themselves.

the first two of these are disappointing if your parents aren't connected. the second two should encourage you to become involved in the legal community, go to lots of events (and enjoy the free food and liquor), and - most importantly - subtly flirt with the old attorney who really enjoys talking to a 20-something with a nice smile. it doesn't make you a prostitute (trust me), and he may ask you to e-mail him your resume.

now back to my caveat: don't let people fool you. don't allow yourself to feel like you're the only person in your first-year class without a father who's a lawyer or congressman. honestly, many of us are just ordinary people. some of us are first-generation law students, grad students, and even college students! that's nothing to be ashamed of. in fact, some might say it's something extra to be proud of, something that those other students don't have. it's called self-determined individuality. really, it is. i read it in a book.

4. you're going to be stressed out.

especially the first year. it's not that much fun.

you're going to want to cry, and drink. these are common urges that, across the board, every law student and certainly every first-year law student has felt.

isn't so consistent across the board is how people handle the stress. it is your decision how to handle your stress. if you accept that responsibility and decide how you will cope, i think you will be just fine. great, even.

as for me, well... i'll be honest. my first year, i cried. i can't count the number of late nights (
and weekend nights) i sat in the library on the verge of or already in tears. it didn't help to have friends from pittsburgh and a cute boy from DC calling just to say hi and, in their minds, be supportive by telling me they wished i were out having fun with them, "like old times."

after first year, things get better. in my case, second year i was just as stressed and anxious as the first; however, instead of crying, i drank. i went out. i had more fun. i put work aside more often, and in the long run, it was a better year.

5. you can make genuine friends in law school.

it will probably happen over a little gossip and a lot of beer.
and it will probably be with people who surprise you.

see my previous blog entitled "dirty hipsters..."

i've met some
very lovely people in law school, and most of them came out of the blue, such as on a random day in rome: "hi, what law school do you go to?" "um... i go to temple." "i'm sorry. somehow i've never met you before." "my name's taylor..."

6. comparing yourself to them will get you nowhere.

it's tempting - almost unavoidable - but leave this job to the faculty, who are grading you on a curve and comparing you to your classmates anyway.

accept the fact that you're going to be ranked below some people, and you're going to be ranked above some people... hopefully. it's not just law school; it's a fact of life.

and i quote: sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. the race is long; and in the end, it's only with yourself.

7. (and most importantly) be happy.

no matter how stressed or busy or exhausted you are, you need to be happy. let's be honest, you could die tomorrow. why would you waste one day, let alone three years?

that doesn't mean you shouldn't go to law school. you definitely should if you want to. but don't be miserable. nobody likes a sad kid :-)

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Saturday, August 8, 2009

for people who don't eat good

not to be a debbie downer or anything, but i have to suggest this fantastic article from NY Magazine about dining with a conscience.

it lays out some serious concerns over our most common foods, whether those concerns deal with a food's carbon footprint, its devastating effect on our environment, or just health concerns for people who eat them.

it doesn't stop there, though. the authors suggest better alternatives, whether they be replacement foods, locally-grown brands, or tips on how and when to eat certain foods.

the more you know...

Friday, August 7, 2009


today i opened up my Outlook calendar, and there on the screen, glaring at me from my THIS MONTH view, was labor day. already on the horizon.

i couldn't help but think how quickly the summer is passing by. passing me by, i should say...

Things I Wanted To Do This Summer:
  • go to the beach (and sit in the shade)
  • take a road trip to a destination farther away than central pennsylvania
  • read lots of books
  • keep "summer hours" at work
  • enjoy at least 1 happy hour a week (happy hour, singular, is misleading)
  • book a may-jah vacation for the fall
  • lose 50 pounds
  • buy a nice blue suit

Things I've Done:

  • not left the city. like, at all
  • read some books, but only 1 that i loved
  • spent way too much time at work
  • had a couple happy hours, but not nearly enough
  • watched weeks and months fly by
  • unsuccessfully tried to get friends to commit to a may-jah vacation
  • lost 5 pounds
  • gained 3 pounds back
  • bought a cute pair of blue pinstripe pants. now i have 3. ugh

i really need to re-prioritize, even if just for the final month of summer.

my morning smile

some of you sluts would need a body pillow...

Thursday, August 6, 2009

quote of the week, thus far

Allow [my story] to give you strength and comfort when you're feeling like maybe you're being or have been too slutty. You aren't. I set a new bar.

-a dear friend and one of my personal heroes, who shall remain nameless for the sake of her chastity.

no, not chelsea handler. one of my other heroes.

p.s. not again

If you can promise me anything,
promise me that whenever you’re sad, or unsure,
or you lose complete faith,
that you’ll try to see yourself through my eyes.

we should all be so lucky....

also, i can't believe i'm still thinking about this stupid movie.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

i can stop worrying.

love never dies...

Love never dies a natural death.
It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishing.

-anais nin

Monday, August 3, 2009

let me take you down...

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.

It’s getting hard to be someone, but it all works out.

It doesn’t matter much to me.

having a beatles cover kinda day.


thanks to Tay for the heads' up on this. made my morning.

quote of the week, thus far

"Is it raining?"

-a paralegal at my firm, upon seeing how sweaty i was after a hot, humid, disgusting Pennsylvania summer morning walk to work.

i'll say it again: i hate summer.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

wonderful in the world

For years I thought we've shared this secret that we would be wonderful in the world. I don't know exactly how, but just the possibility kept me hoping. How pathetic is that? So stupid. To put all your hopes in a promise that was never made.

revolutionary road.