So, this is my life.

And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

Sunday, January 31, 2010


“He was my cream, and I was his coffee. And when you poured us together, it was something.”

Josephine Baker

isn't that just the best feeling...

Thursday, January 28, 2010

to bring me back

i'm gonna be a braver soul than this
i'm gonna jump at all those many chances that i've missed
i'm gonna live my life beyond these fears
and forms of cowardice that keep leading me on
i'm gonna shine out like a beacon in the night,
i'm gonna wrap my fingers round the stars tonight,
'cause i'm taking it on...

love Tom Baxter.

here's a secret

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

ooh, i like that watch.

from the latest Armani Exchange ad campaign:

maybe A/X is trying to compete with Dolce & Gabbana's racy and shocking (to me, at least) man-on-man themed print campaigns of the last few years.

i can't help but wonder if ads like these increase clothing sales to men, or if they are just attention grabbers. thoughts?

by the way, i'm not complaining.

time is jealous of you

Some day, when you are old and wrinkled and ugly, when thought has seared your forehead with its lines, and passion branded your lips with its hideous fires, you will feel it, you will feel it terribly. Now, wherever you go, you charm the world. Will it always be so?

Yes, Mr. Gray, the gods have been good to you. But what the gods give they quickly take away. You have only a few years in which to live really, perfectly, and fully. When your youth goes, your beauty will go with it, and then you will suddenly discover that there are no triumphs left for you, or have to content yourself with those mean triumphs that the memory of your past will make more bitter than defeat. Every month as it wanes brings you nearer to something dreadful. Time is jealous of you...

Live! Live the wonderful life that is in you! Let nothing be lost upon you. Be always searching for new sensations. Be afraid of nothing...

i'm reading Dorian Gray again.

i'm not a fan of Wilde's writing, but this story! what a great story!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

"what else was he in?"

i finally saw The Hangover. funny stuff. the best part:

you might recognize him from the National Treasure films. i didn't.

i know what you're thinking, and yes, this is important stuff here, folks.


last night it felt like spring. after the day's monsoon had passed, only puddles and warm, wet air were left. 60 degrees in january. hmm. it'll probably snow next week, so i wasn't too shocked. but i get ahead of myself nonetheless. as we walked through wash west, i thought it felt like april. it smelled like april. soon it would be summer. then the fall again.

why do i do this? why can't i just live in the moment? this moment happens to be quite nice. not just tonight, with the friend and the walk, but also this era in life. it's quiet. i have time to reflect, to plan and, most importantly, to hope. that's what i've been missing the past two years: time to hope.

the humid air of spring catapulted me ahead of myself, but here i am, re-centering. re-orienting. being in today.

i have no idea what will happen in the next few months, the next year. today, all i know is that there's some coffee left in the pot, and my laundry needs to be thrown into the dryer. and the sky is incredibly blue this morning.

it's a good day.

Sunday, January 24, 2010


actually, i do. i really get it.

at any rate, did you postsecret today?

also, i've been thinking: almost religiously, i have been saving my favorite postsecrets every sunday since 2004 -- you know, the ones that move me or hit a little too close to home. let me tell you, that's a lot of secrets saved on my poor little laptop over the past 5+ years, and the worst part about it is that only my screensaver and i get to appreciate them.

for this reason, i'll be posting some old faves right here on the blizzog.

let's start with two of my most favorite postcards ever:

more later.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

quote of the week, thus far

...Some guy I saw in the gym. I just Facebooked him and he's straight.

He was on the elliptical, so I wasn't sure.

-my boy B

he has a point.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

rule for life #412

when you find yourself thinking, "maybe this time it will work out differently..."

remind yourself that it probably won't.

brezny says...

No matter how upside down it all may temporarily appear, we will have no fear because we know this secret: life is crazily in love with us — wildly and innocently in love with us. The universe always gives us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


but what do i do with a beard now that i have one?

Monday, January 18, 2010

neither desired nor required

my friend Taylor and i recently discussed how we, and the people we know, deal with customer service reps. i think that a person's true colors show through when he or she is on the telephone with a stubborn or unhelpful CSR.

some people, like my mother and my roommate, get angry and raise their voices. other people hate to argue and are in danger of giving in to a firmer tone coming through the speaker. those people who can't stand their ground are the ones who later write letters and try to resolve a dispute or mistake through time-consuming correspondence.

as for Tay and i, we came to the conclusion that we employ similar strategies when facing a frustrating customer service situation: an even volume level, a calm but firm tone, and a sense of logic that CSRs can rarely comprehend. we both report a high rate of success using these tactics; however, a good track record isn't enough to alleviate the tension i feel every time i have to pick up my phone and dial a dreaded 800 number.

after listening to my friend Liam's furniture delivery woes (now ongoing for almost 3 months, thanks to West Elm) last night over a few beers, i was especially worked up this morning as i called to cancel my Men's Health subscription.*

*a quick aside: it has taken me 3 years to realize that i receive the exact same magazine, merely reorganized and covered with a new stud, every single month. instead of continuing to pay for Men's Health, my new plan is that at the beginning of each month, when i would normally receive the most recent installment, i'll simply pick up a back issue that i've saved and try to re-inspire myself to get that rippling 6-pack i've been promised for years.

at any rate, this morning i prepared myself for another frustrating interaction with the MH Customer Service. we go way back.

i dial the number. *gulp* i start out with the expected voice-recognition technology, to which i give my account number and some other info. i wait to be passed on to a live CSR. *fingers tapping on desk* i answer a few more questions from the robotwoman. *always such a nice voice. do humans get paid to record these questions and prompts?*
now she wants to know why i'm calling? *oh lord, what words do i need to use to just talk to the human?* she actually understands my use of the word "cancellation." *wait... is this really happening?* the robotwoman is canceling my subscription.
she asks two more questions and then checks to make sure that i've gotten all i need. *can it be?* i tell her good-bye. *is it that easy???* she says cheerily, "good-bye!"
*that.... was..... AWEsome.*

my interaction with the robotwoman CSR has renewed my faith in all customer service. once just a dream, my wish to never again deal with a check-out boy at the grocery store or a bank teller or especially a frustrating rep over the telephone is now even closer to becoming reality! human interaction will soon be a thing of the past. not desired nor, for much longer, required.

in the midst of my excitement, though, it occurred to me that perhaps the helpful robotwoman and her peers, such as the self-checkout machine at the grocery store, are partly to blame for 13 million of us currently being unemployed. hmph.

not knowing

Sunday, January 17, 2010

this day

"I loved you on this day.
I love this memory."

ESOTSM. obviously.

Friday, January 15, 2010

as good as new. or better.

sometimes an old favorite is better than something new in your ear.

Robyn has been on my gym playlists for a year and a half now, and i haven't stopped listening. her music is fun and fast, with quirky lyrics.

it's not all fun and games, though. the song Be Mine gets me every time, and i can't shuffle away. give it a listen!

after you've done that, here's an awesome live performance of the song, slowed down quite a bit:

Thursday, January 14, 2010

not so lamebook after all

Dec. 23. i mailed a thoughtful christmas gift from Philadelphia to Baltimore, where it was to delight my best friend Danielle.

Dec. 25. D reports that she hasn't received the gift. my bad, i sent it too late.

Dec. 31. you still haven't gotten the gift? that's insane. i'm so upset.

Jan. 4. i can't believe that, once again, the mail i sent from Philly didn't reach her in Baltimore. and the last time this happened, it was VERY important and meaningful. why me?

Jan. 11. that gift is gone. it is so gone, man. i wonder where packages end up if they don't reach their destination? i sent something that anyone could enjoy, so i guess i hope someone, somewhere, opens it and uses it. maybe there's a lost-and-found box at the USPS headquarters.

Jan. 13. via text:
"M, you aren't gonna believe this. some guy emailed me on Facebook and told me he has a package from Philly at his house. he lives in my neighborhood. i'm going to meet up with him to get it."

"shut UP! i'm so so so happy! are you sure it's from me?"

"yeah, he opened it and told me what it is. what a jerk."

just another internet miracle. another internet christmas miracle. god bless Facebook.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

lost love

how would you go on if your partner of 16 years suddenly died?

could you wake up every morning and politely smile at your neighbors as if nothing had happened?

A Single Man is heartbreaking, not just because it's a sad story, but because it's so easy to put yourself in George's place. he's a fairly normal guy trying to make it through just another day. only, he has a broken heart.

it's also a visually stunning film, at least from a layman's (non film student's) perspective. and i'm not just talking about all the nudity.

Monday, January 11, 2010

"And just like that, I lost my head..."

and my job.

as my third anniversary at the firm approached, my desperation was becoming almost unbearable. for a long time, i felt trapped. IN THIS ECONOMY, i told myself, there's nothing i can do. wait it out. wade through it. no options to weigh. tell myself the same thing the next day.

my close friends and confidantes provided conflicting advice, though all intended to be in my best interest. "just put in your time, and when the market changes, you can go somewhere else" stood chest-to-chest with "you're too young to be this unhappy" and "if you don't like it, do something else and stop whining about it."

of course i didn't stop whining. i whined louder and wined more.

at the end of my rope, i did the best technique i know for getting what i want. i wrote it down. repeatedly. "i do not want to be here anymore." "i do not want to be here anymore."

friday afternoon i got the news. i was anxious. i had mixed emotions for a while. but two words kept running through my mind throughout the weekend.

thank god.

Friday, January 8, 2010

today's mantra

ha. okay, here's the legit one.

hafiz says...

Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you.

my morning smile

Thursday, January 7, 2010

created equal

an e-mail from my mom, with a photo of her new purse attached:

Love it!
Love you!

...she's really lucky she gave me an exclamation point, too.

outta my, outta my head

maybe i need some rehab
or maybe just need some sleep
i got a sick obsession
i'm seein' it in my dreams
i'm looking down every alley
i'm making those desperate calls
i'm staying up all night hoping
hitting my head against the wall

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Monday, January 4, 2010

strength in numbers

waking up early and working out in the morning has been a dream of mine for years. i call it a "dream," because to say it's a "goal" would make it sound more attainable.

countless studies and almost all fitness experts tout the benefits of exercising in the morning over any other time of the day. a faster metabolism and reduced appetite are only the beginning; the list stretches long. since i'm unable to get out of my bed before i absolutely have to do so in the morning, i need a little help reaching for the benefits of an early workout.

yesterday i made an agreement with my roommate, who regularly wakes up at the buttcrack of dawn in order to run, that i'd start joining her. i made it clear that i'd need an extra nudge to get me out of bed at 6:30, but that i am really serious about working out in the morning like she does. starting today.

when i woke up at 8 this morning, after reaching for the snooze button twice, Shaunice was still in bed. not only had we failed to get up and work out together, but my complete lack of will power apparently brought her down with me. she silenced her alarm and slept in as late as she possibly could, telling her morning run to screw itself.

oh well. at least we did it together.

real love

So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.

ohh the notebook... one of my guiltiest, girliest pleasures.

i watched this beautiful mess again the other day, and it got me again. it gets me every time.

and don't believe anything Shaunice says. i definitely was NOT crying while watching it, cuddled in a blanket on my couch, wiping my tears away with my sweatshirt.........