So, this is my life.
And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
quote of the week, thus far
"You were a lot of work."
confused, i looked up from my phone and may have even looked around the restaurant to find the source of those words. they certainly couldn't have come from the mouth of the ex-boyfriend who was sitting across from me.
"What?!" i asked, with a sharp, tight T that barely pushed air between my tongue and the roof of my mouth. it was more like, "whaTT?!" i was confused: how did this subject suddenly come up? maybe it had organically. i'm not sure. i had already forgotten what we were talking about, because his statement was so jarring.
"You 'have a lot of feelings,' you've said it yourself."
i just heard my sassy black girl readers (please tell me i have at least one) exclaim, "Dayyyummm," while shaking their heads in disbelief. i know what you're thinking, and oh YES he DID.
i'm sure that you all agree that to hear such a soul-punching, knife twisting pronouncement would be jarring, but add to this the fact that, while we were a happy, stable couple, this ex and i had what was my most successful and content relationship. i was far from "a lot of work" in that relationship. and if i am so tiresome in a relationship that is generally fun and happy, what kind of torture do i inflict upon the poor, unfortunate souls with whom i have rocky relationships? yikes.
i could blog here before you and attempt to derogate my ex's harsh words by telling you that he's never had any other serious relationship; therefore, he has no one with whom to compare me. i could also explain to you that the end of our relationship got rocky and ended somewhat dramatically (don't they all?), and at that time i really did have a lot of feelings. but i won't make excuses.
rather, i'll take this lemon and try to turn it into a lemon drop shot (i'm not a huge fan of lemonade, or any citrus without vodka added to it). i'll take it for what it's worth. every relationship should be a learning experience, and my horrible habit of keeping ex boyfriends around as close friends, a habit for which i am notorious, should serve to edify me and make me better for my future husband.
relationships can be a lot of work, especially during rocky periods. we each have unique expectations about what should happen in a relationship. do i, personally, expect a lot? do i complicate what should be simple? i never thought so before.
it's clear what i need to do now: systematically poll the hundreds of other ex boyfriends with whom i'm still friendly... i'll report back with my findings.