So, this is my life.

And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

Monday, June 14, 2010

separation anxiety

every time i return home from an out-of-town trip, i'm greeted warmly by my anxious and lonely catticus. he jumps on me, stays within a few feet of me as i wander about my apartment, and sleeps on top of me, as shown here:

as you know, he's not usually a warm and friendly puss, so this type of behavior is rare, and usually short-lived.

and of course i feel like an old cat lady, considering Atticus is my regular cuddle buddy, and at this point he's my longest relationship. yikes. but before you begin to worry about me, let me assure you that i'm working on finding some human companionship.

yet, as i discussed with a buddy yesterday, i haven't experienced the type of separation anxiety that some people, including said buddy, experience after being single for a while. i've now been officially single for longer than i have been since age 19, but for whatever reason, i'm not freaking out about it. at all.

my buddy, who shall remain nameless, was lamenting to me the fear that he feels at the prospect of reaching the next age of his life ending in an -0 without a partner beside him. of course, nearing 30 myself, i can empathize with that type of anxiety. it's always scary getting older, and doing so "alone" seems unnatural. by 30 or 40, our parents were married with children, divorcing, marrying again. while probably not "stable," per se, their lives seemed quite different from what is typical of our generation.

while i do understand the anxiety that my friend, and undoubtedly many people our age, are facing, i haven't yet been stricken with it. 30 isn't scaring me yet, and i'm not upset that the only tail in my bed is my cat's.  are there lonely nights? sure, but that's when wine and HBO and friends come in handy.  and i can't help but remind myself that some of the loneliest times in my life came when i was in a serious relationship. so i'm in no rush to change my relationship status; yet i am open to something great happening. *looks up into the sky* you hear that, Universe? i'm talkin' to you.

if my attitude changes over the coming months or years, please remind me of this post, and i will eat my words. and hopefully i'll also remind myself to stop worrying about finding a husband, lest i be judged and scolded the way i judged and scolded my friend yesterday.


Anonymous said...

You just made my night with that one.

Kono said...

Man i love my cats and i'm a big hairy bastard that everyone believes should have a german shepard or some such beast, William Burroughs liked cats as did Bukowski and Celine... it was 2 years ago sunday that my boy Pablo died and 2 years ago today that i brought Pedro home, my boy Louie follows me around and greets me at the door when i get home... and you are spot on about relationships, they can be the loneliest places on earth.