When spring came, even the false spring, there were no problems except where to be happiest. The only thing that could spoil a day was people and if you could keep from making engagements, each day had no limits. People were always the limiters of happiness except for the very few that were as good as spring itself.
from A Moveable Feast. it's time for my annual re-read.
and it's time for Spring. not Summer. just Spring, please.
that i fear permanence. that one of my greatest fears is being, or feeling, stuck. in a place, in a job, in a relationship.
i thought that i am simply afraid of being unhappy, as we all are, but i'm realizing that there's more to it. it's about being caught somewhere unhappy and being unable to run away. there is a distinction, i think. do you think there's a distinction?
the past few months have been a time of soul-searching and prioritizing. they've been good months, busy months, somewhat quiet months, lots of personal time months. i'm learning and admitting a lot about myself -- for instance, that i have really nice hair. but other things as well. more serious things.
i'm the best therapist that i can afford right now, and i'm usually satisfied with my work.
Every day, God gives us, as well as the sun, a moment when it is possible to change anything that is causing us unhappiness. The magic moment is the moment when a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ can change our whole existence. Every day, we try to pretend that we do not see the moment, that it does not exist, that tomorrow will be the same too.
However, anyone who pays close attention to his day will discover the magic moment. It might be hidden in the instant that we put the key in the door in the morning, in the moment of silence after supper, in the thousand and one things that appear to us to be the same.
This moment exists, a moment in which all the strength of the stars flows through us and allows us to perform miracles.
thank you for sharing this, T. love it. had to re-share. had to. *baci.
a few of the songs i like to listen to when i'm in the mood to wallow in sadness or a similar emotion:
You Had Time by Ani DiFranco
Please Don't Go by Barcelona
Hear Me Out by Frou Frou
Comfortable by John Mayer
The Special Two by Missy Higgins
The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice
Be Mine! (Acoustic) by Robyn
Honey and the Moon by Joseph Arthur
strangely, they're all heartbreak-themed songs. i guess that tone complements various kinds of sadness.
i should add that i have an entire playlist of songs to lift me up out of sadness and similar emotions. sometimes they work. sometimes they don't. sometimes i don't want to be lifted quite yet. hence, the wallowing playlist.
-T, being absolutely serious, while she eyed up a little girl's outfit last night as we were leaving the theatre after seeing Mary Poppins. what was the young fashionista wearing, you ask? bright pink cowboy boots and a short, mirror-sequined skirtlike this one, except a little kid version.
T makes me laugh. i laughed again today while thinking of this. i'd like to remember it and laugh again.
drunk texting can be a bad idea, but drunk dialing is always a huge mistake. no exceptions.
fortunately, this is a lesson that i've mostly* learned already, and i'm still a young 28 years old. sure, it took a while to learn this lesson. many bad drunk dials. many embarrassing mornings. i think that drunk texts aren't so terrible, only because you have evidence of what you said while intoxicated. drunk dialing, for many of us, leaves no clues of the substance; you have only a call log showing that you spoke to him for two minutes (wait, did i talk to him? oh god, did i leave a voicemail message? two minutes?!) as "evidence" of your mistake. you have no idea what you said.
if you haven't yet learned the lesson, take this video as a word of caution. albeit, a hilarious word of caution, but -- nonetheless...
a big thanks to my love Tay for sending me this video. it made me laugh out loud and then cringe as some embarrassing memories came back to me.
*i say that i've mostly learned already, because i do have a habit of calling Casshole when i'm UI. no negative repercussions from that, though. only hilarity ensues.
first, Shaunice re-gifted me tickets to the symphony last Saturday at the beautiful Kimmel Center. it was lovely. i took a photo after my nap.
next, a sweet regular customer who works for Philadelphia Theatre Company gave me tickets to see a play last night at the Suzanne Roberts Theatre. i took T. i did not take a photo.
finally, T got us tickets to see Mary Poppins next week. sweeeet.
all of these events lead me to believe that god is trying to make me more cultured. or maybe to make me more gay. god loves gays.
after having a go at life as a commercial litigation attorney in Philadelphia, i decided to give up the pursuit of wealth and status.
these days i'm pursuing happiness, and so far it's working quite well. i'm working on a new career, and i'm trying to follow my bliss. i'll tell you all about it.
