So, this is my life.

And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

i'm learning

that i fear permanence.  that one of my greatest fears is being, or feeling, stuck.  in a place, in a job, in a relationship. 

i thought that i am simply afraid of being unhappy, as we all are, but i'm realizing that there's more to it.  it's about being caught somewhere unhappy and being unable to run away.  there is a distinction, i think.  do you think there's a distinction?

the past few months have been a time of soul-searching and prioritizing.  they've been good months, busy months, somewhat quiet months, lots of personal time months.  i'm learning and admitting a lot about myself -- for instance, that i have really nice hair.  but other things as well.  more serious things.

i'm the best therapist that i can afford right now, and i'm usually satisfied with my work. 

that's all.



Piney said...

I can relate in a number of ways. One of my greatest fears (my teeth falling out notwithstanding *shivers*) is of cultural, academic and social stagnancy. I think the trick is to challenge yourself in as many new ways as you can. That's what I try to do anyway.

Permanence can be a dynamic process afterall, one where you grow, learn and evolve. It doesn't necessarily have to have negative connotation..

*t said...

The second best therapists are usually friends.

Preferably ones who compliment you on having really great hair, accept payments in hugs, and know when talking it out needs to be followed by dancing it out.