So, this is my life.
And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
back in the saddle
last night i got hit on and "picked up" at a club. wait, "picked up" doesn't mean taken home, does it? because i wasn't taken home. i was just picked up, as i understand that terminology.
and i'm not telling you in order to brag; rather, i have to tell you how out of practice i am. i'm only 29, but sometimes i feel like i'm past my prime. then again, 29 is equivalent to 43 in gay years... maybe i am past my prime.
back to last night. my friends and i were dancing. he and his friends were dancing. he smiled. said hello. asked if he could buy me a drink. all was going well, and i was enjoying the conversation. then...
we were at the bar chatting and ordering drinks when he put his hand firmly on my leg. not a light brush (which happens to be one of my signature flirting moves). not a tap. not talking with his hands. just planted an open palm on my thigh. this is there point at which i felt like an old man. should he have been touching me already? is this acceptable courtship behavior? all this guy knew about me is my name and my alma mater (we quickly established that we attended the same law school, though he was about ten years ahead of me). i let it go, but i thought he was being too forward. am i a prude?
then it got worse. i should preface this by pointing out that it was around 1 AM, and he was probably as tipsy as i was, but he touched my belly. my beer belly (my new rule is that once i'm out, i drink only beer, because that way i remember everything the next day. the pre-gaming is still with the love of my life, vodka. when i hit the streets, i'm finished with vodka for the night.) so he casually reached over and rested his hand on my side, with his thumb touching my stomach, as if it were a normal gesture that one would make to an acquaintance on the street. yeah, i probably looked touchably good, but still, no. just, no. my belly is boyfriend territory, not new-potential-friend-in-a-club territory. so i backed up. my non-verbals made it clear that he shouldn't be touching me so prematurely comfortably, and he returned his hand to my knee.
in the end, i gave the guy my number. it won't go beyond friendship, but he's a successful lawyer who seems to have a nice group of friends. and it can't hurt to meet someone new, whether he turns out to be a personal or professional contact. he texted me today to ask me to dinner, which i'm happy to let him pay for.
that said, i felt uncomfortable with the personal bubble violation, despite it having happened in the wee hours of the morning. i wasn't drunk, and i don't think that he was, either. a friendly, almost professional (due to work and school talk) conversation got unexpectedly physical. am i being crazy here? am i being a prude? (my personal dating history reflects that usually i am not.) be honest.
pray tell, is it normal to touch strangers like that when you're not dancing with them, but rather are simply sitting on adjacent bar stools? i submit that it is not. and that is just one reason why i feel that i might be too old for this game.
i need to meet new people. i need to get back into the dating game. i think i need to loosen up and not be so quick to back away from new people.