So, this is my life.
And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
to quit while i'm ahead
...or not to quit while i'm ahead.
as i mentioned to you back in October when i received a cryptic pub urinal message from the gods, i'm most likely expiration dating right now. when the doctor's time at his hospital is up, he could end up anywhere in the country -- nay, anywhere in the world. as of late, he has begun mentioning in passing that he has thought about returning home (far, far away and not even in this hemisphere). chances are, he won't be here a year from now.
so i come to you, dear friends, readers, and fellow bloggers, with a question: do i quit while i'm ahead (e.g. we enjoy time together, but we haven't gotten too serious yet and have only said the "L" word accidentally while half asleep, and i could get out without being hurt or upset, so long as it's my choice) or risk getting closer and having a really tough time if/when he leaves Baltimore?
notwithstanding your much-appreciated advice, i'm leaning toward having the "just friends" talk soon. because if i'm going to be left here in Baltimore 6 months down the line, i should be spending these months lining up a replacement boyfriend. when i was packing up and leaving Philly, a friend very lovingly called me a "cold-hearted son of a bitch;" it's times like these that the cold heart comes in handy.
i'm too old for this shit. i should be married to an I-banker by now, living in the suburbs, working part-time for a cancer non-profit and lovingly raising two children (King Charles spaniels. obviously.).