So, this is my life.

And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

to quit while i'm ahead

...or not to quit while i'm ahead.

as i mentioned to you back in October when i received a cryptic pub urinal message from the gods, i'm most likely expiration dating right now.  when the doctor's time at his hospital is up, he could end up anywhere in the country -- nay, anywhere in the world.  as of late, he has begun mentioning in passing that he has thought about returning home (far, far away and not even in this hemisphere).  chances are, he won't be here a year from now.

so i come to you, dear friends, readers, and fellow bloggers, with a question: do i quit while i'm ahead (e.g. we enjoy time together, but we haven't gotten too serious yet and have only said the "L" word accidentally while half asleep, and i could get out without being hurt or upset, so long as it's my choice) or risk getting closer and having a really tough time if/when he leaves Baltimore?

notwithstanding your much-appreciated advice, i'm leaning toward having the "just friends" talk soon.  because if i'm going to be left here in Baltimore 6 months down the line, i should be spending these months lining up a replacement boyfriend.  when i was packing up and leaving Philly, a friend very lovingly called me a "cold-hearted son of a bitch;" it's times like these that the cold heart comes in handy.

i'm too old for this shit.  i should be married to an I-banker by now, living in the suburbs, working part-time for a cancer non-profit and lovingly raising two children (King Charles spaniels. obviously.).

thoughts? go.


Piney said...

Sounds like you've made your decision to me. It begs the question (and I REALLY don't mean to sound like a cold-hearted bitch here myself) but do you just want us to all agree and validate what you've already decided, to make things easier?*

It might sound like a total cop out but if you already want to move on before things get too serious then that's probably the best decision. At the end of the day, I'm not the one who has to end it in 6 months and be left heartbroken at the airport when he flies back to something-istan.

Whatever you decide, best of luck. He sounds like a nice guy so I'm sure it'll work out just fine.

*I do this all the time.

Piney said...

Something-istan is probably in the Northern hemisphere so I'm gonna change that to Muslim-esia.

tobethatguy said...

Yeah, Piney, I basically wanted you people to agree with me and tell me I'm doing the right thing.

Thanks :-) And did I tell you the Muslim part, or are you a good guesser?

Peggy said...

Sweetie - who knows what is in your future ~ why would you try to shape it this way, give up, walk away? I don't like to hear this defeatest 'what if' from you - what if it DOES work out? If you give it your all instead of walking away? Maybe its my rose colored glasses, and my faith in people (crazy isn't it?)but you won't know until you try. If you get your heart broken, you pick up the smashed pieces and go on. But at least you you no matter what you decide.

tobethatguy said...

Peggy, you totally put me in my place. Just like Shaunice would if she were here --- except you're much more intimidating. <3