Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down, and either you overdramatize it or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to.
which explains my writer's block as of late. in part, at least. in part, i've just been working long hours and have felt as though i have nothing to share or offer to the internets. i've felt, at times, that i'm drowning.
in addition to that, and more relevant to Sylvia's words above, something has happened, and continues to happen, and i'm not yet able or ready to put it down on not-paper. i'm going through something that i can't explain easily, as it's unprecedented in me. i am caught in the middle of a struggle between my own pride and ambitions, and my happiness and well being.
what do you do when that which you've worked for, and strived for, is the thing that makes you miserable?
in my heart i believe that discontent and sadness can be cathartic. they can also motivate us to do something exciting but scary, to strike out blindly for something unknown. sometimes it seems that the unknown must be better than the status quo, and i can't help but wonder if that is sometimes beginning of great progress.
once i figure out what i'm doing with myself, maybe i'll be able to write it the way i want to.