So, this is my life.

And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


pre-dating is a period of time that online daters know well, a definite period of time between mutually agreeable communication and the first real-life meeting.  once the first meeting occurs, of course the pre-dating period ends.

the pre-dating period could be long, or it could be almost nonexistent.  in my experience, older guys and professionals tend to require longer pre-dating periods, mostly because they're busy and tend to schedule social events well in advance.  depending on the date's personality and the connection, the pre-dating period could be relatively uneventful.  it might consist of no more than a few e-mails or text messages exchanged for the purpose of setting up the first meeting. 

on the other hand, with the right type of person, the pre-dating period could prove to be quite fun.  by way of analogy, good pre-dating is a lot like pre-heating the oven.  pre-heating creates a hot environment in which your food will cook fast when the time is right.  pre-dating, when done right and when given a long enough opportunity to heat up, can create a hot environment in which chemistry could really get cooking when the time is right, i.e. the first date.  flirty e-mails and text messages might be exchanged.  maybe some photos.  a Facebook request is always fun (even though i usually don't accept the friend request until after meeting the guy, this provides the opportunity to stalk him without his being able to stalk me).  

i'm currently pre-dating my oven.  oh.  wait.  mixed up my metaphors.  at any rate, a series of fortunate circumstances caused a first date that i scheduled to get pushed back for more than a week.  first i had to cancel because i forgot that i had already made plans for that night.  then he had to cancel because he got sick with the flu or something unattractive.  cancel + cancel = an extended pre-dating period. 

and i'm having a lot of fun with it.  he's not a complete grammar retard like most guys, so i don't mind the e-mail chain we have going.  and he's fairly flirty via text (our generation's version of uninhibited anonymity), which can really brighten up a dull afternoon, especially when the text includes a disgusting yet somehow cute photo of him sick in bed.  god bless the iPhone.  

i'm enjoying pre-dating this guy even though i am fully aware that it probably won't go anywhere.  i say that not to be a Debbie Downer, but because i know myself.  i never like them once i meet them.  i usually find a reason why we can't date.  (on the upside, i often keep them as friends.  oh yes, my menagerie of almost-dateable but fully lovable friends.)  so despite my self-awareness and general pessimism regarding the dating that i'm trying to effectuate, i am currently very much enjoying pre-dating someone.  

so there you go.  i've found someone who i really like over text, and we're pre-dating.  

hm.  maybe i just.... shouldn't... meet him.  ever...


Tay said...

But doesn't an extended pre-dating period just give you too much time during which to build a probably-perfect but also increasingly-fictional idea of him in your head, thus setting you up for disappointment? Maybe you'd enjoy the first-meet/first-date part more if you dived in with minimal pre-contact?

Now that you mention it, I think the ability to techno-stalk might be setting us all up for failure. For this, and for everything else, I blame Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, and the evil geniuses at Google.

Lifebeginsat30ty said...

Oh I love it when you get all excited for a date! These days I keep my expectations low before an internet date, but someone witty and funny and flirty over email/text certainly makes life interesting :)

tobethatguy said...

Tay, you have a very good point about the build-up and heightened expectations that come from pre-dating; however, I disagree with you about techno-stalking. Stalking can be a lifesaver, and it helps us to go into these things more prepared and more informed than we would be without Facebooks and Google.

Piney said...

Jeez that sounds terribly complicated, I'm glad I've never used online dating. We're a bit prehistoric this side of the pond. Saying that, a bitta google stalking is great. *thumbs up*