"I'm just so glad the holidays are over so everything can get back to normal."
these upsetting words were spoken by my Ma, who just wanted all her houseguests to leave so that she could put away decorations, clean guest bedrooms, close rarely-opened doors in the house, and live in the organized, spotless, quiet world she so cherishes.
although the woman didn't mean any harm or application to anyone's life or home but her own, her statement made me feel sick to my stomach. the holidays are over. now what?
back to normal. back to normal?
but i told myself that after the holidays were over, i wouldn't return to normal. i'd do something different. i'd start seriously hunting for a new job. i'd start eating vegetables every day -- so many vegetables! maybe even some fruit -- i'd be healthy and thin, maybe even vegan-thin, that level of thinness between heroin chic and malnourished. god, i envy vegans. and while i'm at it, i'd stop drinking so much vodka. decaffeinated herbal tee would be my relaxant of choice. i'd find ways to be happy without alcohol and happy hours with friends and comfort food. yes, i'd be happy on my own. these weren't resolutions, but these were to-do's to-scratch off my to-do-and-then-scratch-off list. i really meant these ones, and after the holidays i'd really shake things up in my life.
but after the holidays are over, all of that is not so easily done as it was said, repeatedly, before the holidays were over.
for example, i spent hours searching for jobs online. turns out they're not just giving them away like they did a few years ago. apparently i had forgotten about those months i spent wandering in the desert of unemployment. apparently those words we hear on the news, like "recession" and "depression" and "Angelina Jolie" aren't just scary buzz-words thrown around to scare people into reducing their consumer spending and keeping a watchful eye on their toddlers. things might be bad out there, y'all.
oh, and vegetables. turns out you can't eat them if you haven't gone out and "bought" them. yeah, apparently they "go bad" and "don't last long," so you have to "go grocery shopping" and not in the way i meant it in 2010 (see vodka, above).
all that said, i've gotten a start, if only a feeble one. i updated my resume and researched jobs for a while, and now i'm about to put on my shoes to walk to the local farmers' market and buy vegetables. so many vegetables.
tomorrow i'll work on being happy without happy hour.