i hope you dance.

last night i tried a sort of social science experiment, and the results were just as i had hypothesized: it is very difficult to go out dancing without being under the influence.


i like to drink.  i like to dance with my friends. i like to do these things in tandem.  they go well together, these things.  


what would prompt me to go out to a dark, sweaty, over-crowded, straight, divey, hipster club while sober?  well, i've been detoxing.  for the past 12 days i've been abstaining from alcohol in order to both give my liver a short break and to lower my tolerance so that i can get totally pissed on my upcoming birthday.  


it should not surprise you that avoiding alcohol can be a damper on a strapping young man's social life.  i've turned down countless social invitations for fear of being unable to avoid temptation once face to face with the sweet nectar of the gods that i lovingly call wodka.  it had been only two weeks, but that's two very quiet weekends on my couch and taking walks and getting to bed early.  by last night, i was ready to go out.


as i mixed cocktails and grabbed beers for the five guys pre-gaming in my living room last night, i wasn't really tempted to mix one for myself.  i was armed with sugar-free Red Bull, and aside from trying Skinnygirl Margarita for the first time, i didn't really feel the urge to drink.  fast-forward two hours and a short taxi ride away, and the urge was coming on strong.  music blasting, floor vibrating, sweaty slutty girls bumping into me, ambiguously gayish cute boys dancing around me, headache knock knock knocking on my lobes.  

"I need a drink," my soul cried. 

just then one of my boys leaned in and yelled into my ear, "It's not as fun when you're not drunk, is it?"

"I'm having fun," i responded.

"No you're not. You're miserable."


i buckled under pressure and had a couple PBR's.  they weren't enjoyable. they didn't measure up to the Stoli-seltzer of which i would've liked to have an IV drip.  but they took the edge off, and i was able to dance (kind of) comfortably (kind of) for a few hours, all the while very conscious of how i was dancing.  it was a fun night, and the energy drank got me so amped up that i opted to walk the 1.7 miles home and then stayed up to enjoy my new fave show (Curb Your Enthusiasm) until 3:30 AM. 


today i'm left wondering how teetotalers can party and let loose in public places; my gal pal dated a guy who was in AA and who enjoyed going out to clubs and dancing while drinking only Red Bull.  when he told me this, i couldn't fathom finding that enjoyable, let alone exciting. kudos to people who are able to do so.  it means more vodka for the rest of us.

my detox isn't over, despite a few sips of Bethenny's tequila juice and the two cheap beers.  i'm still abstaining until my birthday, and i may try again to go out while above the influence.  in fact, i may try again tonight.  

i hope that you're having a fantastic weekend, sober or intoxicated.