unanswered questions

i've learned a lot in the past 2 months of studying. i now know everything there is to know about the law. every law. all laws. total. knowledge.

but there are still a few things i don't understand

-why traffic jams and then *suddenly* un-jams... with no explanation for the "bottleneck" effect in the middle of an otherwise usual highway.

-how it can take 35 minutes to cook a burrito in the oven and only 3 minutes to cook the same burrito in the microwave; or why hasn't someone found a happy medium.

-why anyone would buy toothpaste that doesn't whiten, or doesn't even claim to whiten.

-why somebody decided to give rachel ray her own tv show.

-why a protein shake made with milk tastes like a delicious ice cream treat, whereas the very same protein mixed in water tastes and smells exactly. like. fart.

-the appeal of so you think you can dance.

-why we collectively fail to question the price of wine in a restaurant (e.g. $34) when we all know the real price of that bottle is far less than the store price (approx. $7.99). and on that note, did you know that the largest retailer of wine in the US is olive garden? truth.

-the trick to a bottle of heinz ketchu--- oh wait, i DO know that.

-when it became more socially acceptable to flirt via text message than in person.

-dave matthews band. what is it that i've been missing since circa 1998?



disclaimer: this list is subject to modification and/or addition.
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a little recognition.

girl at pizza counter: (upon seeing the bright stickers on our shirts) ooh, you're taking a bar exam? to be bartenders?

liam: [blank stare] ... um... [waiting for a smile or an "i'm kidding"]... no. like... the PA bar.

girl: [nothing registering]

liam: lawyers?

girl: oh...kay. what can i get for you?



i know, right? we think we're so entitled.

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chapter 6

...For a long time you had found your only entertainment in the quiet pleasure of looking at the sunset. I learned that new detail on the morning of the fourth day, when you said to me:
"I am very fond of sunsets. Come, let us go look at a sunset now."
"But we must wait," I said.
"Wait? For what?"
"For the sunset. We must wait until it is time."

At first you seemed to be very much surprised. And then you laughed to yourself. You said to me:
"I am always thinking that I am at home!"

Just so. Everybody knows that when it is noon in the United States the sun is setting over France. If you could fly to France in one minute, you could go straight into the sunset, right from noon. Unfortunately, France is too far away for that. But on your tiny planet, my little prince, all you need to do is move your chair a few steps. You can see the day end and the twilight falling whenever you like...

"One day," you said to me, "I saw the sunset forty-four times!"

And a little while later you added:
"You know -- one loves the sunset, when one is so sad..."
"Were you so sad, then?" I asked, "on the day of the forty-four sunsets?"

But the little prince made no reply.


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confessions of a bar exam taker

no more studying.

just relax.

que sera, sera, right?

it's a been a long and busy two months, and in the end it really hasn't been that bad. i didn't mind the classes and the work so much as the mental and emotional trial of it all. the "what if" and the self doubt and the constant waiting. i'm reminded of a line from the critically acclaimed (the critics being every teenage girl and gay boy in the late 90's) mega-hit, Titanic:

Afterward, the seven-hundred people in the boats had nothing to do but wait... wait to die... wait to live... wait for an absolution... that would never come.

so now we wait. except there are thousands and thousands of us in this boat, and we're all sitting around trying not to vomit today. life is beautiful...

yet so exciting! it's almost over, after all the stress and hair-pulling and bitching and moaning. i feel so terrible for our friends and loved ones. on that note...

dear friends and loved ones,
thank you for putting up with us. we've been selfish and moody and terrible. and although we probably would've been more productive without you around, we would've missed you during those rigid windows of time we designated for fun and "blowing off steam." you mean a lot to us.
love, the bar examinees

i'd also like to mention the support of my out-of-town friends and family. i've discovered another benefit of having attended an evangelical christian college: you make friends with a lot people who have a direct line to The Almighty. and even when you wander away and explain to them that your views have changed, they sweetly declare that they'll "pray for you." aw. so nice.

so i took them up on their offers.

just in case i'm wrong about this whole "god is love and love is an energy field" stuff, i reminded people back in pittsburgh and harrisburg to pray for me. and i gave them exact dates and times. and wouldn't you know, they were happy to help, save for a couple people who expressed dismay at my request that a young goat be sacrificed on wednesday at dawn (most of the others probably assumed i was joking). and this fall when i get news that i passed the bar exam, i plan to properly thank all my wonderful evangelical friends by sending them digital photos of me in vegas, doing shots of absinthe off some hooker's tits in a smoky nightclub.

*sigh*

okay, that's all for now. thanks for checking in. and thanks for your prayers/white lights/well-wishes/luck/goat sacrificing for me! let's catch up soon! in august...

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bad timing but good times

it's not entirely convenient to have a birthday less than a week before the bar exam, but it was a very happy one nonetheless.

i have fantastic friends. have i mentioned that? i have friends who vicariously search the world over for the hebrew version of my faaaaavorite book. i have friends who spend their precious free time making me a beautiful, creative gift from scratch. friends who send cards and make me mix tapes. i'm a lucky one.

and when you're lucky enough to have fantastic friends like i have, sometimes parties just sneak up on you.

the evening begins reasonably enough, with a beautiful dinner at what may be the best restaurant in philadelphia (though there are a few i haven't yet visited).

AMADA. you've probably already been there, because i'm always the last to know, but if you haven't.... go. go now. go tonight.
the restaurant is mysteriously expansive and beautiful, and even more vibrant inside than the constant celebratory buzz of the streets of olde city outside. the food: amazing. decadent.
should've ... sent.... a poet.
the 'drew and i ate for two hours and, despite ourselves, wanted to keep eating. i even ate pork, not knowing it was the unclean meat until it had already become the most delicious thing i've ever eaten.

the entire experience was lovely. thanks, A. you're the best. really.

and then the night got out of hand.

you know, sometimes you don't go to parties. sometimes parties come to you. they find you. they sense an occasion. they bring music and absurdly rich naked chocolate. they bring with them first impressions and introductions and the sharing of wine. before you know it, your living room is filled with friendship, both new and old.

before you know it, it's 2 am. and you have to get up and study soon. and you. are. drunk.

bad timing. but a really lovely time.

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26

on the dot.


26 years, yet all things are new. una dolce vita.


it's a weird number, though, right?
maybe it's just me.

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20th century, HERE I COME!

dear world,

i have finally caught up with you.

oh yes, it has happened. after years of fighting it and making excuses and refusing to let go of the past, i. finally. have:



a digital camera.


WATCH OUT, FUTURE! i have arrived!

the first photo i took? well, what do YOU think?














obviously.






big ups to my mom for sending me my very own space-age film-less image capturing contraption!

it's the stuff of sci-fi films, i tell 'ya! amazing!

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on-point

thanks, brian. ur the best ex-gaybor a guy could ask for. hope your new home is treating you well.

just being miley

Entertainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013

thaxter says...

There shall be eternal summer in the grateful heart.



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gays are always unemployed

stereotype? yes.
unfounded? no.

as i step out for my morning latte, even along the two very short blocks to starbucks, i can't help but notice how busy the neighborhood is! and not busy in that i'm-rushing-to-work or i-have-to-get-this-copied-for-my-boss kind of way.

it's busy in the same way the gayborhood is always busy. homos reading the paper at starbucks. groups of guys gathered around a table at cosi (yes, i stopped for a bagel. mind your own diet!). cute boys with their laptops hanging out in the window of brewhaha. some even sitting on their stoops, complaining about how hot it be. yeah, i pass all the hot spots on my walk. and it appears to be just a normal, leisurely evening in the hood.

but, no. this was at 10:30 AM!

i wanted to stop and ask someone, "don't you guys have JOBS?" but i was afraid the response would be an offer to give a job..

the only thing distinguishing the neighb this morning from the neighb at 6 PM today is that everyone's drinking coffee, rather than whatever's on special at happy hour.

they really don't have jobs, do they? none of them!

i am slightly confused. i'm slightly embarrassed. and i'm so self-centered that my predominant thought is, "what if they think I don't have a job? that i'm lazy?" because i'm doing the same thing they all are.

if i had a t-shirt that said, "i'm actually an extremely productive member of society and happen to be studying for two states' bar exams in order to add ESQ. to my name," i would wear it on my coffee run tomorrow morning. and all of august. because then i will just be lazy and unproductive, if you don't count my primary task of stimulating the economy.



or maybe this is all just another ploy to make myself feel good about my life right now. it's better than being unemployed. or lazy. or gay.

---wait...


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12 more days

have you had your postsecret this morning?

coelho dice...

The secret lies in the present --
if you pay attention to the present,
you will be able to improve it.
And if you improve the present,
whatever happens afterwards will be better too.

Each day brings us Eternity.

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cheese

because what today really needed was a smile.

buyer's remorse

M: i went shopping for cruuuuise clothes!!!
D: oooh, what'd you buy?
M: a couple t-shirts, a pair of cargo shorts, --
D: Cargo shorts?!?
M: yeah, they're cute. and i got --
D: you're gonna look like a total lesbian!
M: ...YOU'RE a LESBIAN!!!
D: i know, right?


well, i had a lapse in shopping judgment, i guess.
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