So, this is my life.
And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.
Friday, March 12, 2010
a sense of entitlement
you know that first mental stage of a relationship, after meeting someone you like -- i call it a mental stage because, at that point, almost the entire relationship exists in your mind -- we've all experienced it a time or two hundred.
you think about him. you re-play meeting, or dancing, or a kiss. you have to tell yourself firmly not to text him (again). otherwise silly tween pop songs remind you of him (those are the only music appropriate for this first stage; make sure you have some on hand). you feel like you literally cannot wait to see him again. you know it's immature, and you either cannot help feeling it, or you simply don't care. you're never too old to have a -- yeah, i'm going to say it -- CRUSH.
you know exactly what i'm talking about. you've been there. and while you were, the one thought that was off limits to your mind is the realization that you barely even know this guy. reality is one of the farthest things from your mind during this first stage, and you know what? that's just grand. you deserve it.
for that matter, i deserve it.
i think each of us deserves it.
"it shouldn't be so hard," we've heard ourselves say. no, it shouldn't. but it probably will be at some point. that doesn't mean it is ever allowed to be so hard in the beginning. at the very least, you deserve a short period of time when it's easy and fun and just a little bit silly. it can get serious later, or it can amount to nothing, or if you're the luckiest (or craziest?) among us, you can revel in your crush for a long time before the love songs stop making your mind wander and the text messages stop making you smile. who cares what happens later (well, of course you do. enough to obsess over it. yeah, i see you.)? for now, enjoy the first stage.
i write this to serve as a reminder that you deserve it. i recently reminded a very good friend of her entitlement, and i thought it important enough to remind you as well. because we really do forget, don't we? we forget we're entitled to some simple happiness before we must face the long-term probabilities and the reasons to doubt. we forget that just because we're adults, that does not mean we have to settle for something less than romance. or butterflies. or whatever you want to call it.
i call it the first stage, because you deserve for it to precede every relationship and non-relationship that you have.