So, this is my life.

And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

better in time?

One of the lies we always tell ourselves is that the pain will go away with time, that we'll get over it, that time heals all wounds, and it's not true. Every loss is forever raw, and we can feel it all again with just a thought or a reminder, like a Christmas phone call to the family. The older you get, the more of these moments of grief you accumulate, and they never leave you.

A.Sull. linked to an article about feeling sadness and lingering grief during the holiday season. i understand the sentiment, as my ma's mother died on Christmas - before i was born, but ma reminds us every single year that it's a sad time. debbie downer, right?

i appreciated the above portion of the original article not as it pertains to the holidays, but rather because it's true every day of the year.

time heals all wounds? false. time brings distractions and more immediate emotions.

the old wounds can be overlooked, the pain ignored. but in an instant - with the sound of a voice, the scent of a stranger's cologne in a corridor, or finding a photo you wish had been destroyed, rather than just filed away - a wound can be split open unexpectedly, reminding you what's inside and proving that time has but distracted you.

the flood of emotion leaves you feeling as if you've been set back months, years... if only for a few minutes, before something or someone else distracts you.

thank god for the distractions, especially - for many people, like my ma - during the holidays.

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