no, really. EVER.

remember the shock and horror i expressed after wasting two hours of my life on "Lady in the Water," one of the most recent pieces of total shit coming from M.Night.Shamalamadong?

well that was nothing compared to the rage i felt last night after suffering through THE FOUNTAIN.

i should know better than to pick a film off the shelf the moment i see it and think to myself, "hmmm, i've never heard of this before." yeah, there's a REASON you've never heard of it before, jackass!

but the box was interesting. and i was in the mood for something fantastical.and, let's be honest, my primary motivation was that it stars Huge Ackman.

it was all downhill after the dvd cover.

and just to ensure that you never capriciously pluck it off a rental store shelf or click on the title on your On Demand list, i'll tell you what happens. in a nutshell.

the film follows three stories in one.
1. HugeAckman is a brilliant brain surgeon or something who is fighting to save the life of his fug wife, Rachel Weisz, who I have never really liked to begin with, and so I wasn't terribly sympathetic to the huge tumor eating up her brain as her studhorse husband raced against the clock, slaughtering monkey after monkey to cure tumors. mmm... monkeys...

the only redeeming quality of the film pops up in this story-line, and this is it: manstud with zac efron hair in all his scenes.
2. Huge also plays the role of the fictitious Conquistador in the manuscript written by his dying tumor-head wife. When he reads his wife's manuscript, he slips into a trance (AKA falls asleep out of boredom) and becomes the main character. the Conquistador is roaming through the Mayan jungle to find the Tree of Life, the sap of which is actually the fountain of youth.

3. The third story-line is disjointed and utterly confusing. the entire film would have been better without this part. basically, a naked, hairless, albino Huge Ackman lives in a bubble that is floating through the heavens toward a star. when he and his bubble reach the star at the end of the movie, he bursts into flames. until then, he survives by eating the bark of the tree that is, actually, his dying wife. SICK, dude.
not to give away the ending or anything, but EVERYONE DIES, basically. the brilliant surgeon fails to cure his wife, and the tumor just EATS HER BRAINS! and he goes crazy. the Conquistador finds the fountain of youth, but when he drinks its sap, he turns into an eternal bush (seriously, WTF?). and like i said, naked man in bubble bursts into flames.

for the love of god, don't rent this crap. i know i'm not Roger Ebert, but you've gotta trust me this time. you'll regret wasting your time watching The Fountain.

in fact, you've just wasted several minutes of your precious, ever-trickling-away life just reading about it. and if you wish you could get these past few minutes back, just imagine how i felt about the two hours i wasted last night.

i hate everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to sum it up, WORST. MOVIE. EVER.

here's me.

this idea has been stewing around in my head for a while, and i've finally decided to share it. but not totally in my own words.

my buddy patrick's friend sheila decided to share some very personal and usually private information that most of us simply keep to ourselves.

and i really liked how she did it.

so i'm following her lead (thanks sheila) and divulging my own list.

rather than positing on what my top tunes say about me, as sheila did, i'll leave that up to you to decide. or not decide. either way...

sheila wrote:

Top 25 Most Played Songs

The best thing about the iPod playlist "Top 25 Most Played" is that you can't hide who you are when you look at it. All is revealed.

You may wish you were the kind of person who listened to Igor Stravinsky enough that he would show up on your Top 25 Most Played - but unless you are, organically, the kind of person who listens to Stravinsky on a daily basis - he will not be in your Top 25 Most Played. If you want your music to give off some kind of specific impression meant to impress others - if you want someone to think you're cool, or eclectic, or deep, or if you scoff at music made by 'the man' - if any of these things are an issue for you, then don't let anyone look at your Top 25 Most Played. Just keep it under wraps. If you're not comfortable with people knowing that you listen to "Day Dream Believah" so often that it makes it into your Top 25, then I suggest just not mentioning it.

In the interest of full disclosure - here is my utterly bizarre (and quite revealing) Top 25 Most Played...

So here it is, here I am, in my unvarnished glory:

. . .

and here's mine. here's me.

here's what comes through my headphones and speakers, rolls around my mind, manipulates my emotions, and gets me through the day:

1. Because of You (Jason Nevins remix) - Kelly Clarkson [i should add that this is my top song by an OVERWHELMING margin, 40 more plays than its runner-up.]

2. Don't Stop the Music - Rihanna

3. Hallelujah - Rufus

4. Never Again - Kelly

5. Since You've Been Gone - Kelly

6. Stolen - Dashboard

7. Gypsy Woman - Hilary Duff [wtf? when???]

8. Release - Timbaland

9. Somebody Told me (Remix) - Killers

10. In These Shoes? - Kirsty MacColl

11. Freakshow - Brit

12. Welcome to Hollwyood - beyonce

13. Radar - Brit

14. Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie Ferg

15. In Da Club - Beyonce

16. Never Again (Remix) - Kelly

17. Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

18. Check On It - Beyonce

19. Praan - Gary Schyman

20. One - Mary J.

21. Feedback - Janet

22. Piece of Me - Brit

23. Gimme More - Brit

24. We Belong Together - Mariah

25. Cater 2 U (Remix) - Destiny's Child

and a bit of my own commentary:

what i find most interesting about a person's Top 25 list is that it spans the life of the iTunes program. my list, for example, has been tallying for about 5 years, and some of these songs i don't even listen to anymore. it's almost a collection of quasi-memories, giving a glimpse of where we have been over the past few years. the ups, the downs, the poor musical taste... and judging by my musical preferences, i have, in fact, been a gay for the past 5 years.

btw, check sheila out here. i like her blog. it's random, it's fun. you just might like it, too.

and as you might guess, her Top 25 was waaaayyyy more eclectic than mine. i mean, i have lots of non-pop music, but apparently all i want to listen to is britney and kelly. hmph.

you are always on my mind...

i know i harp on gay rights and marriage equality, some months more than others. and if you're my facebook friend, i could apologize for filling your stalker-feed with countless posts regarding equal rights, bigotry, etc. could. but won't. because you need to know.

and since the recent CT supreme court decision, the subject has been fresh on my mind once again. how could it not be? it's in the news, on the fingertips of bloggers, and all over television with the upcoming Proposition 8 vote (hint: vote NO!) faced by Californians.

rather than talk your ear off (type your... eye off...?), i'll just share a few tidbits that i think will begin to sum up the progress (or lack thereof) of equality in the USofA. enjoy.

* * *

No government has the right to tell its citizens whom to love. The only queer people are those who don't love anybody.
—Rita Mae Brown

* * *

this video almost made me cry.

* * *

Marriage is one of the "basic civil rights of man," fundamental to our very existence and survival.
-USSC, Loving v. Virginia

* * *

thanks, A, for sending me this video. yo, you tryin' a tell me something?

* * *
a real money quote:
A government that would deny a gay man the right to bridal registry is a fascist state.
-Margaret Cho


* * *
and i'd like to conclude with a reminder to hope:

No army can withstand the strength of an idea whose time has come.



and JSYK, you haven't heard the last from me on this topic. this is just the beginning. in the upcoming weeks, you can expect an entry featuring excerpts from a fantastic Andrew Sullivan article re: civil unions, and another featuring my very own Non-apologetic Argument, currently stewing...

YOU'RE KILL(er)IN' ME HERE...

dear Killers, or more specifically, dear Brandon Flowers (aka "the cute one"):

you've done it again, ain't you?

i'm still listening to Sam's Town, and already you've got a potentially even more awesome follow-up in the works. i. am. excited.

don't tell Mr. Paltrow this, but your new single HUMAN has tooootally replaced "Viva La Vida" as my new fave wake-up song. you're now playing on repeat in Apartment 2F every morning and probably even waking my upstairs gaybors. i don't care, though, because i hear them slamming doors and stomping on the stairs at all hours. I HATE YOU, NEIGHBORS!

at any rate, thanks for the new song, and thank you in advance for your upcoming hotness, Day & Age (due for release on 11/25, bitchez!). you know i'll be first in line to get my illegally uploaded copy of the album the night before its release!

XOXOtobrandonXOXO,

M

* * *

if you haven't yet heard it, take a listen here on The Killers official site. OR just take the easy way out and enjoy this unofficial youtube bootleg:

zappa says...

Everybody believes in something and everybody, by virtue of the fact that they believe in something, uses that something to support their own existence.

it's only words...

i woke up on the wrong side of the bed. i can't say why. this morning was just off. very off.

and from a truly random source came my first smile of the day. talking to a long-distance friend who i'd never expect to say such a silly thing. but what he said was exactly what i needed to hear. what i needed to feel.

he said:

Radiant warm light I am.

and this morning that's exactly what i needed in my world.

"Am I bovvered?"

the catherine tate show is my new favorite thing, basically.



it's amazing how quickly you can watch two seasons on DVD. but now i want more.

your MOM's so gay...

i'm not sure yet what i think about this new Think B4 You Speak public service campaign.


on one hand, i'm sympathetic to the bullying and harassment faced by teenage (and younger) gays, lezzies, and non-GLBT kids who are labeled based on assumptions, stereotypes, and/or ignorance. i've been there. i know it's a problem. i know it can be traumatizing. we all know kids are assholes.

we also know that suicide rates among gay/bi/queer teenagers is alarmingly and disproportionately high. i know depression riddles these youngins. we've got to do something.

and for that reason, it's a great idea to initiate this dialogue and inform our nation's youth that words have both power and consequences.


on the other hand, i've long believed that words have only as much power as we will give them; to that end, we are able to slowly drain words of their potency. we can defuse these terrible slurs that can cause and have caused so much pain.

i'm no longer afraid of the F-word the way i used to be. in high school, the word's very utterance made me sick to my stomach, even if it was in no way directed at me (though it frequently was). over the years, i've heard it - and said it - enough that it's now just another word. like plenty of other nasty words, it can be used in a threatening and assaultive manner.

but fearing it and shunning its use doesn't solve the problem.

in fact, i think the word that shall not be spoken is much more powerful than the word that's taken for granted, ignored, shrugged off.

if ninth graders say "that's so gay" often enough, the word "gay" will cease to have such a devastating effect. it certainly won't be as powerful when it's hurled at an innocent teenage boy who may, in fact be gay. yeah, the bully just called you gay in the locker room. but you know what? three minutes ago he said the same thing about the field trip to Gettysburg. and everyone knows Gettysburg effing rocks!

as for the F-word, it's a more sensitive subject. it has become one of the most loaded words i can think of, and even some of my close friends cringe when i use it casually. apparently it's even worse than the C-U-Next-Tuesday word, which i more freely toss around, to the chagrin of my female friends.

for now, i'll keep using these terrible words. i'd rather own them than be wounded by them.

then again, i'm not a sensitive teenager stuck in one of the most terrifying environments known to humankind: high school. so i'll try not to scream "queer!" when i see an awkward 13-year-old boy walking down the street. there, a nice compromise.


what do you bitches think about this?

from the archives - verbatim

5 years ago today. 2003.
before bloggers blogged.
back when bloggers journaled.
when this blogger journaled.
verbatim.


Oct. 7

Que caprichoso!

Well, I was today. I did something so capricious. I guess I knew where I would get a piercing, but I never really thought I would get one. So I was in the mall... in the piercing shop.

The man said it would cost 8,000 colones, and I had exactly that much in my pocket. So maybe it was destiny.

Either way, I went into that little room.
"It's just like a shot, right?"
"No," she assured me, "this is going to hurt."
"Muchas gracias," I laughed. She was such a little bitch!

It did hurt. A LOT. I felt like it would never end. Then it was over... and it still hurt :-)

"A minute of pain for a lifetime of happiness," she told me in Spanish.

Does she think I'll have this piercing when I'm 80 years old? Or did she mean that this was the beginning of a lifetime of happiness? Have I been liberated? Am I now a free spirit, ready to live a life full of happiness and adventure?

Hmm... I think she just meant that I could keep my piercing for life - or the scar. I dunno.

I'f argued before that if the good Lord had wanted an extra hole in my body or a tattoo permanently on my skin, He would have given it to me. But now that I have gotten another hole in my body, I don't feel bad or weird. I, well, I kinda like it. I feel different - like I've got a great accessory.

It's so small - it isn't even a big deal, and no one will notice it. But the important people will. And I notice it. It was a liberating experience.


five months later i took it out.
i made the decision to get it before i knew my character.
and it still hurt sometimes.
and he didn't like it.


my, how far we've come!
.

coelho says...

"Love is not a habit, a commitment, or a debt. It isn't what romantic songs tell us it is -- love simply is."


-from The Witch of Portobello - one of my favorites.

stifling my laughter...

taking a break from my normal lunch break trek through the politically-charged, hype-overloaded, celeb-obsessed, and oft-depressing blogosphere, today i spent a little time chuckling for a change.

it may be stupid humor, but Oddee is a humorous blog nonetheless. we all love LISTS, and this blog has a bunch of comical Top 10-type lists, such as "10 Funniest Law Firm Names" and "Most Bizarre Magazines."

now that i'm relaxed, in a pleasant mood, and not foaming at the mouth at the latest bit of outrageous and appalling news about Sarah Palin, i'd like to share with you a smile. just a smile.

these come from the list, "15 Unfortunately Placed Ads." enjoy!





and if you are offended by any of these, please remember: i'm just the third-party messenger.

outta my outta my head...

For today I'll let it go
You've been good to me,
Have I been good to you?

chekhov says...

We shall find peace.

We shall hear the angels, we shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds.

peace.

Every day.

Samantha: Relationships aren't just about being happy. I mean, how often are you happy in your relationship?
Charlotte: Every day.
Samantha: Every day?!
Charlotte: Well, not all day every day but yes... Every day.



because a friend of a friend met SJP yesterday.
and because i've watched the movie repeatedly since it came out on dvd.
and just because... you know...



and while we're on the topic of the SATC girls, i gotta give mad props to Miranda Hobbs for her sassy anti-Bush rhetoric the other day, citing the administration's "fear-based, war-mongering, torture-supporting, homophobic, anti-immigrant bullshit." her words, not mine :-) ch-check it out.

"i'm so mad at you right now..."

the first words out of my mouth when my mom answered the phone.
fortunately she survived the phone call, because had those been my last words to her, i'd feel really terrible.

but i had to express my anger to this sabateur, this trickster. she may seem thoughtful and harmless, but trust me: evil takes a human form in this 5'7", transition-shade glasses wearing, tomato-cultivating "CSI Miami" aficionado... the world has known fewer women with her cunning, her sneakiness, her ability to plot.


i arrived home to find a huge box sitting in my foyer -- big enough to fit two toddlers, yet light enough to be empty. what could be inside it?

on the outside, a sweet card, addressed to me and Atticus.

inside:
1. kitty treats with atti's name on them (aww so cute... if just a little desperate. it screams, "i want grandchildren." but then, so does she, literally screams it every time my brother and i are home for holidays.)
2. banana nut bread (so thoughtful! homemade and healthy!)
and
3. two -- gasp -- oh NO she DI'N'T!!!


let me preface my outrage by pointing out that my mom knows i'm on a diet -- okay, in her potential defense, i've been on a diet since i was 7. but this time i'm REALLY on a diet. and she knows it.

i KNOW she knows because when i was home in mid-august, and she called me "chubby," i vowed to return at thanksgiving and SHOW HER. that's what i said. "I'LL SHOW YOU..."

at the time i had grandiose visions of anorexia, a gaunt frame by Thanksgiving, possibly showing up at the front door in a wheelchair due to my feeble, malnourished body. anything to prove a point...

and while that hasn't quite happened yet, i AM trying, and i've lost more than a few of my bar-studying, stress-induced summer pounds. and now, apparently, people are out to sabotage me. main culprit? my mom.

which is why she filled the huge box with potato chips. huge bags of potato chips. not just normal-size bags, but "Weekender" bags.

for those of you who are unfamiliar, the "Weekender" denotes a bag of potato chips the size of which should last a nuclear family one entire weekend, yet which i myself have eaten from start to finish within one evening at home, bored, in amishville. and she KNOWS THIS.

these central pennsylvania treats are like my kryptonite, only supposing superman wanted to devour kryptonite, rather than flee its presence.


i'll show her...

but for now, i have to go. i have an entire bag of potato chips to eat today.