1. if i fall asleep wearing socks, i wake up and the socks are gone. without fail. 2. my work computer screensaver just scrolls "Om namah shivaya." 3. i don't really like musicals. or madonna. i feel like a traitor to my subculture. 4. in a month i'll be a published scholar. i wish i'd get some money for it or something. 5. most nights i sleep with my pillow turned up and down, rather than horizontally. i could just get smaller pillows, but . . . meh. 6. speaking of which, at least once - sometimes twice - a night, i wake up and look out my window. usually around 3 AM. (the witching hour. and i think of that every morning.) 7. every single day i go to cnn.com to take the quick poll, even if i don't have an opinion on the subject. 8. i love gummi bears and gummi worms, but i haven't allowed myself to eat them in probably a year. 9. i have never seen any Godfather movie, nor have i ever seen a Star Wars film. 10. i drink out of glass jars in the office. i brought them in, and i know i'm the only person using them. 11. my favorite song ever is a country song. i guess it's in my blood. 12. i keep accidentally writing on my dry erase board with sharpie. 13. i have a pillow with the lyrics to Ben Folds' "The Luckiest" written on it. gift from my bff. 14. last week i ate an entire jar of pickles in one day. they're only 5 calories per spear. 15. for the first time in years, i'm not boycotting anything currently. not even Cosi. 16. i shower at the gym, and no - i don't think that's strange at all. 17. if i'm sitting at my desk at work, my shoes are probably off. 18. i think it's actually god that is in the details. 19. i compulsively buy movies and books on amazon.com, sometimes when i've had too many drinks. 20. i once kissed a boy. on the rooftop of a building. on a mid-summer night. after eating Ben n Jerry's. i could've died happily that night. 21. i hated tuna all my life, until i craved it one day a few years ago. ditto: pickles. big ditto: olives. 22. i LOVE when people have fun combination names, like two geographical words (i knew a Georgia Brittain in college) or even better, two first names (like Ethan Allen). 23. i like my right foot. the left, not so much. 24. i finally started recycling a few months ago. 25. for whatever reason, babies always like me.
that song immediately came to mind when i read the LA Times review of a new book entitled
Six-Word Memoirs of Love and Heartbreak.
it's a collection of -- well, exactly what the title says: various authors sum up their relationships and their loves in six words.
like:
I loved the idea of you.
Tomorrow, maybe, I'll sell the ring.
Heartbroken, until the bitch finally died.
It hurts even worse in French.
They never seemed crazy at first.
I thought we had more time.
this book is a sequel, of sorts. the editors got so many responses to their first installation (a NY Times Bestseller) that they had to publish again.
the idea for the original came from the popular tale that Ernest Hemingway once won a bet that he could write a short story in just six words (his story was simply this: “For Sale: baby shoes, never worn.” so sad, right??)
at any rate, i haven't yet run out to pick up the book (it'll be on my coffee table by the end of the week - in time for Valentine's Day), but i have to share my favorite out of the relatively few already posted online:
Everyone's crazy except you and me.
what would your six words be? hmmm???
i'm still trying to figure out my love story. when i do, i'll share it.
meaning it was too good, too perfect. it wouldn't end because it was what life should be like. the stars were all in line, and the weekend seemed infinite.
but what am i to do what that now, on monday morning, back at my desk?
all i know to do to cope is -drink this coffee -tell my coworkers how ridiculous the weekend was -show them the bruises -revel in my new wool pants that are soft as a kitten on my legs -send txts to say thanx & i <3 u -smile to myself -start planning for the next one
and maybe tomorrow i'll remind myself to live in the present, to live mindfully, to listen to buddha.
I bet you've had a hard time walking into a room full of people on your own, right? Yeah. I know that. I know what it is not to feel like you're in the room until he looks at you or touches your hand or even makes a joke at your expense, just to let everyone know... you're with him. You're his.
sorry to cheese y'all out, and to remind you of yet another mediocre romantic comedy, but that was probably the second* best part of P.S. I Love You, which, for some reason i watched all the way through... twice.
i hate myself for the second time. the first time i didn't know better.
Kathy Bates concisely and perfectly summed up the total agony of being in love.
*the best part of the movie was obviously seeing Gerard Butler shirtless several times. so actually GB shirtless is probably the best, second best, and third best parts of the movie.
he makes me feel like that Lady Gaga song, because i'd GLADLY let him hit me and raise his baby.
i don't usually like to toot my own horn (that's what BFs are for), but i have to point out that i can predict the future.
for just one of the many, many examples of my amazing ability, check out this list of Oscar nominees.
did you check that out? it doesn't matter either way.
now recall my predictions in the past year:
1. MILK will receive numerous nominations, for every category possible. aaand it did. i think it's even nominated for Best Foreign Language film, which makes no sense.
2. i told you that DOUBT is awesome and everyone in it is going to get an Oscar and a pony. aaaaaand it's nom'd for like 100 awards.
3. finally, i'm now ready to eat my words. that stupid WALL-E thing is going to win the award for cheesiest piece of preachy cheese ever fermented. check!
maybe i just say these things to make myself feel important and to convince you sluts to go see the movies i've seen so that we can discuss them. maybe i only go out of my way to see films that are sure things come Oscar season. or maybe i have a special gift and i can actually predict the future.
i'm turning up the heat and hopefully cranking up the level of shedding going on in my house, because i want a luxurious sweater made out of attipuss's soft hair! with a hot enough summer, maybe my sweater can be pret-a-porter by next fall!
or... is that creepy? i think the jury is still out.
give me a few hours alone in a car, and i will almost always choose to spend the time taking the familiar audio trek through what i call The Clarkson Trilogy.
so i feel obligated to update an entry from about a year and a half ago so as to reflect the most recent twist in Kelly's romantically bipolar songwriting:
Friday, October 19, 2007
evolution
the trouble with love is, it can tear you up inside make your heart believe a lie
and if i try to save him, my whole world could cave in it just ain't right, and i don't know what he's after
and i know i let you have all the power and i realize i'm never going to quit you over time it's like i can't breathe it's like i can't see anything nothing but you
sometimes shattered, never open nothing matters when you're broken that was me whenever i was with you always ending, always over back and forth, up and down like a roller-coaster i am breaking that habit today
my heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with
what do you do when you look in the mirror and staring at you is why he's not here
and i don't know, i could crash and burn but maybe at the end of this road i might catch a glimpse of me so i won't worry about my timing i want to get it right no comparing, second-guessing no, not this time
i would never wish bad things but i don't wish you well... never again will i love you never
i don't want to be tough and i don't want to be proud but i don't need to be fixed and i certainly don't need to be found i'm not lost
maybe i've got issues but you're pretty messed up, too either way, i found out i'm nothing without you
if the rest of the album follows this manic lead, we'll have an up-beat, fun, and maybe even romantic soundtrack on our hands in just a couple months.
Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart, and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.
call me a pop princess, but i often find depth and meaning in the bubble-gummiest music. you ivy-leaguers can keep your Descartes, your Nietzsche or your Rousseau; i've got Clarkson, Carey, and Spears.
add to that list one of today's most improbable groups of sages: the Pussycat Dolls.they may look like your garden-variety, pay-for-play sluts, but these women belong in a monastery somewhere, chanting the night away and copying scrolls. they are the voice of a generation and yours truly will soon have the great fortune to see them live, as they are opening Britney's concert in March! wooo!
through the medium of song, the wise Pussycat Dolls have expressed the raw emotion of today's youth. we are a generation that aspires to be famous, to have groupies, to drive nice cars... the Dolls are essentially a gyrating think-tank that has empowered many of us sluts who are, in fact, hotter than your girlfriends, making you wish they were freaks like we are. these bards have reminded us, time and again, to stop frontin' and to simply loosen up some buttons.
the philosophartists of which i write gain ground on their path toward enlightenment with their most recent work, which i believe sums up our generation while both teaching and inspiring us.
hear how they explain the tribulations we face, as we are expected to dedicate long, thankless hours to our careers. yet in the same note, the Dolls succinctly encapsulate the hopes, the dreams, and the "work hard, play hard" attitude we all seem to share.
Gimme them bright lights, long nights Party till the sun is rising High rise, overtime Working ’till the moon is shining Hot guys, fly girls Never gonna say it I feel on top of the world, I feel on top of the world
I’m ready for the pressure The drama and the pleasure Got my whole life here in front of me I’m taking over when I hit the streets
Glamour, glitter and gold Nothing is stopping you, nothing is stopping me In this frenzy out of control I must stay in pursue, do what I got to do
Gimme them bright lights, long nights Party till the sun is rising High rise, overtime Working ’till the moon is shining ... It’s like a roller coaster One step away I’m closer I can see it there within my reach Won’t let the city get on top of me ... Can’t slow me down The only thing I know Is that I won’t fall And I have it all
you can listen here, or just watch MTV's The City, or so i've been told...
pop music never dies. it just gets younger and sluttier.
THE CITY HAS always been an engine of intellectual life, from the 18th-century coffeehouses of London, where citizens gathered to discuss chemistry and radical politics, to the Left Bank bars of modern Paris, where Pablo Picasso held forth on modern art. Without the metropolis, we might not have had the great art of Shakespeare or James Joyce; even Einstein was inspired by commuter trains.
And yet, city life isn't easy. The same London cafes that stimulated Ben Franklin also helped spread cholera; Picasso eventually bought an estate in quiet Provence. While the modern city might be a haven for playwrights, poets, and physicists, it's also a deeply unnatural and overwhelming place.
Now scientists have begun to examine how the city affects the brain, and the results are chastening. Just being in an urban environment, they have found, impairs our basic mental processes. After spending a few minutes on a crowded city street, the brain is less able to hold things in memory, and suffers from reduced self-control. While it's long been recognized that city life is exhausting -- that's why Picasso left Paris -- this new research suggests that cities actually dull our thinking, sometimes dramatically so.
"The mind is a limited machine,"says Marc Berman, a psychologist at the University of Michigan and lead author of a new study that measured the cognitive deficits caused by a short urban walk. "And we're beginning to understand the different ways that a city can exceed those limitations."
One of the main forces at work is a stark lack of nature, which is surprisingly beneficial for the brain. Studies have demonstrated, for instance, that hospital patients recover more quickly when they can see trees from their windows, and that women living in public housing are better able to focus when their apartment overlooks a grassy courtyard. Even these fleeting glimpses of nature improve brain performance, it seems, because they provide a mental break from the urban roil.
This research arrives just as humans cross an important milestone: For the first time in history, the majority of people reside in cities. For a species that evolved to live in small, primate tribes on the African savannah, such a migration marks a dramatic shift. Instead of inhabiting wide-open spaces, we're crowded into concrete jungles, surrounded by taxis, traffic, and millions of strangers. In recent years, it's become clear that such unnatural surroundings have important implications for our mental and physical health, and can powerfully alter how we think.
This research is also leading some scientists to dabble in urban design, as they look for ways to make the metropolis less damaging to the brain. The good news is that even slight alterations, such as planting more trees in the inner city or creating urban parks with a greater variety of plants, can significantly reduce the negative side effects of city life. The mind needs nature, and even a little bit can be a big help.
Consider everything your brain has to keep track of as you walk down a busy thoroughfare like Newbury Street. There are the crowded sidewalks full of distracted pedestrians who have to be avoided; the hazardous crosswalks that require the brain to monitor the flow of traffic. (The brain is a wary machine, always looking out for potential threats.) There's the confusing urban grid, which forces people to think continually about where they're going and how to get there.
The reason such seemingly trivial mental tasks leave us depleted is that they exploit one of the crucial weak spots of the brain. A city is so overstuffed with stimuli that we need to constantly redirect our attention so that we aren't distracted by irrelevant things, like a flashing neon sign or the cellphone conversation of a nearby passenger on the bus. This sort of controlled perception -- we are telling the mind what to pay attention to -- takes energy and effort. The mind is like a powerful supercomputer, but the act of paying attention consumes much of its processing power.
Natural settings, in contrast, don't require the same amount of cognitive effort. This idea is known as attention restoration theory, or ART, and it was first developed by Stephen Kaplan, a psychologist at the University of Michigan. While it's long been known that human attention is a scarce resource -- focusing in the morning makes it harder to focus in the afternoon -- Kaplan hypothesized that immersion in nature might have a restorative effect.
Imagine a walk around Walden Pond, in Concord. The woods surrounding the pond are filled with pitch pine and hickory trees. Chickadees and red-tailed hawks nest in the branches; squirrels and rabbits skirmish in the berry bushes. Natural settings are full of objects that automatically capture our attention, yet without triggering a negative emotional response -- unlike, say, a backfiring car. The mental machinery that directs attention can relax deeply, replenishing itself.
"It's not an accident that Central Park is in the middle of Manhattan," says Berman. "They needed to put a park there."
In a study published last month, Berman outfitted undergraduates at the University of Michigan with GPS receivers. Some of the students took a stroll in an arboretum, while others walked around the busy streets of downtown Ann Arbor.
The subjects were then run through a battery of psychological tests. People who had walked through the city were in a worse mood and scored significantly lower on a test of attention and working memory, which involved repeating a series of numbers backwards. In fact, just glancing at a photograph of urban scenes led to measurable impairments, at least when compared with pictures of nature.
"We see the picture of the busy street, and we automatically imagine what it's like to be there," says Berman. "And that's when your ability to pay attention starts to suffer."
* * *
"We've constructed a world that's always drawing down from the same mental account," Kuo says. "And then we're surprised when [after spending time in the city] we can't focus at home."
But the density of city life doesn't just make it harder to focus: It also interferes with our self-control. In that stroll down Newbury, the brain is also assaulted with temptations -- caramel lattes, iPods, discounted cashmere sweaters, and high-heeled shoes. Resisting these temptations requires us to flex the prefrontal cortex, a nub of brain just behind the eyes. Unfortunately, this is the same brain area that's responsible for directed attention, which means that it's already been depleted from walking around the city. As a result, it's less able to exert self-control, which means we're more likely to splurge on the latte and those shoes we don't really need. While the human brain possesses incredible computational powers, it's surprisingly easy to short-circuit: all it takes is a hectic city street.
"I think cities reveal how fragile some of our 'higher' mental functions actually are," Kuo says. "We take these talents for granted, but they really need to be protected."
Related research has demonstrated that increased "cognitive load" -- like the mental demands of being in a city -- makes people more likely to choose chocolate cake instead of fruit salad, or indulge in a unhealthy snack. This is the one-two punch of city life: It subverts our ability to resist temptation even as it surrounds us with it, from fast-food outlets to fancy clothing stores. The end result is too many calories and too much credit card debt.
* * *
"We worry a lot about the effects of urbanization on other species," Fuller says. "But we're also affected by it. That's why it's so important to invest in the spaces that provide us with some relief."
When a park is properly designed, it can improve the function of the brain within minutes. As the Berman study demonstrates, just looking at a natural scene can lead to higher scores on tests of attention and memory. While people have searched high and low for ways to improve cognitive performance, from doping themselves with Red Bull to redesigning the layout of offices, it appears that few of these treatments are as effective as simply taking a walk in a natural place.
* * * okay, i'm not really moving to the country. i'll just continue living as the shopaholic, impulse-eating victim of the city. *sigh* life is hard...
but at least i have this cute new sweater to calm my mind!
and all i have to say is that my life-size cardboard cutout of James from Twilight (Cam Gigandet)better arrive on time; i'm already sweaty with anticipation.
cassie, you promised!
and i trust you.
p.s. y'all better not Google image search Cam. it could actually kill you. so just trust me when i say, don't google him. really, don't. don't do it right now.
i wanna roll with him, a hard pair we will be a little gambling is fun when you're with me russian roulette is not the same without a gun and baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun...
dear ms. gaga,
what is this spell you've cast?
tonight at the gym, with you screaming nonsense in my ears, i realized i haven't gotten remotely sick of your album in the past how many months!? in fact, i think i like it more, the more i listen.
you're weird like that. and even brit's new ish hasn't stopped me from listening to you. crazy.
first i was obsessed with BOYS BOYS BOYS and LOVE GAME. and these days i am sooo predictably listening to POKER FACE on repeat, though my iPod prefers the Dave Aude Remix to your orig:
rumor has it, the song's gone airborne, but i wouldn't know, as i don't listen to the radio.
the video makes the song even better, mostly because it is downright ridonkulous yet hot. ugh - i hate when embedding is disabled, but it's worth the click, y'all.
The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't take it personally when they say "no" -- they may not be smart enough to say "yes."
are you in the mood to read a fantastic book that will leave you feeling hopeless at the end of each chapter and may even cause you to have nightmares? yeah?
then you should pick up The World Without Us by Alan Weisman. no, seriously. you should read it.
not because it's sexy, or even a page-turner. after 35 minutes, i'll realize i've read only about 10 pages. and i'm not a super slow reader. the thing is, this nonfiction book is so full of fascinating information and research (one reviewer called it "One of the most ambitious 'thought experiments' ever.") that, while not in any way boring, it becomes dense. but at the end of each chapter, i find myself marveling at all the work Weisman put into this book.
oh, and also dreading the future. the premise of the book is, in short, what would happen to the world if humans suddenly disappeared. exactly what would Manhattan look like in a decade? in 500 years? beyond?
in not-so-short, it's so much more than its title suggests. it's not only a glimpse into the possible (and in many cases, likely) future, but it's a look back at the earth before us, how we arrived here, and what we've done in the very short span of time that we've roamed this planet, in various stages of homo development (as in homo erectus, homo sapien...).
in Weisman's own words:
Drawing on the expertise of engineers, atmospheric scientists, art conservators, zoologists, oil refiners, marine biologists, astrophysicists, religious leaders from rabbis to the Dalai Lama, and paleontologists – who describe a pre-human world inhabited by megafauna like giant sloths that stood taller than mammoths – [I illustrate] what the planet might be like today, if not for us.
that makes it sound just a little bit boring, but i promise the book is anything but dull.
i'll admit that i'm not yet finished with the book, but you know me - i can't keep quiet about something i think is worth sharing. the picture Weisman paints of the world without us - even as soon as two or three days after humans disappear - is both grim and beautiful.
within two days of humans disappearing from Manhattan, the island will begin to flood. scary thought.
but within a year or two, pavement and asphalt will be overgrown with flowers, trees, and grasslands.
more quickly than i might have guessed, the mark we've left on many parts of the planet will be covered up. the author explains which of our creations will endure (every piece of plastic created since the 1950's) and which will return to the earth (most of what we've built, including our homes and even skyscrapers).
nature will, in the end, win. because its goal is, and has for thousands of years been, to overcome: to break through man's sidewalks, to put down roots in our rain spouts, to eat through the fenders of our cars. ever since man began putting down his own roots, it has been nature against us.
don't get the wrong idea about this book, though. Weisman makes very clear that this isn't a doomsday prophecy or an Armageddon tale; in fact, at no point in the book does he suggest what might cause the end of man. the book simply grows out of the premise that man is no longer present. if i may (and i may, because it's my blog), i'd like to share one observation that i've found most fascinating and most impressive about TWWU: that is Weisman's unwavering focus. i imagine it took quite a bit of strength to avoid getting lost on the topic that most easily stems from his research: what will happen to us?
it's fascinating to me, as i read, that TWWU is devoid of any discussion of how climate change, the extinction of myriad species, and our horrible pollution will affect man. it's the most logical next step in the analysis of what is happening to this planet, yet Weisman refuses to consider it. brilliant. i guess there are already countless books on the market addressing that topic, and Weisman wasn't interested in writing another warranted yet preachy, gotta-live-green manual.
in sum, i give it two thumbs up, before i even finish the last two chapters. will you enjoy this book? maybe not as much as you'd enjoy reading the Twilight series. but will you learn so much and be so fascinated that you'll be unable to put TWWU down? i'm betting yes. that has been my reaction to it, and its encyclopedic volume of information contains something for everyone.
for now, you have to check out the book's accompanying website, which is full of fascinating information and stunning visuals like the ones i've shared herein.
it's really cute how people roll into the office the first work day of the new year with healthy resolutions, Lean Cuisines, and fat-free salad dressing for the fridge...
back in the fall, i made a deal with one of the ladies at work that we'd each lose at least 10 pounds by february 1. and after gaining weight every month since she made that new year deal, she's NOW geared up to begin losing it.
HA!
first, i'm way ahead of her, already half way to my goal (really slow progress is more likely to last*). and second, unless she's planning to have lipo in the next few weeks, she's not going to make it. BOO-YAH! I WIN!!!
of course, it wasn't really a competition, but rather a mutually-encouraging accountability pact. however, there's nothing like a competitive spirit and a fast-approaching deadline to light a fire under my fat ass.
here's my before picture, taken just a couple weeks ago. i feel that any improvement over this will be a major win on my part.
*though, now facing a time crunch, i'll settle for really fast, less permanent success.
as we enter the new year, with new resolutions and new goals for ourselves, i thought i would share an interesting perspective on weight loss/dieting/body image.
don't get me wrong, i'm totally disregarding this advice, which was probably written by an eating disorder counselor. and even though i'm going to starve and sweat myself into shape (my goal is to lose 40 lbs!), it's still worth noting:
I can't even imagine that we were put on the face of this Earth in order to be thin. I think most of us are here on a mission different from a job or a career. I think we're here to do helping and healing and discovery and creation.
The injunction in our culture is to 'be perfect,' which is ridiculous, impossible, and not only that - it is boring! Perfection means that you have to be totally still, that nothing can ever change. To live that way would be disastrous...
I think the idea of body size is a diversion and a distraction from the real work. The process of being here is the most important, and we must honor that with respect and love.
after having a go at life as a commercial litigation attorney in Philadelphia, i decided to give up the pursuit of wealth and status.
these days i'm pursuing happiness, and so far it's working quite well. i'm working on a new career, and i'm trying to follow my bliss. i'll tell you all about it.
