So, this is my life.

And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

Monday, March 23, 2009

think thin

i'm usually not one to promote specific products or to force my opinions upon others, but -- wait, yeah i am. especially the latter.

anyway, i have to tell you about a fantastic new snack:

you should stop what you're doing right now, run out to Trader Joe's, and buy a few of these delicious, healthy protein bars. they're packed with scientifically created nutrition but are very low in carbs and sugar. and they promise to make you thinner!

i know, i know -- a lot of diet foods and pills promise to make you thinner. but in my experience, these bars actually work. how? they give you diarrhea immediately.

at first i thought it might just be me. so i clandestinely tested these bars on two of my unsuspecting friends. this was by no means a reliable clinical trial, but suffice it to say that both friends, at separate places and times, let me know they didn't appreciate the side effects of my chocolatey delicious gifts to them. i don't know about you, but i'm impressed by a 100% reduction in weight among consumers!

in short, whether you're a dieter, a low-carb-er, or a closet lax junkie, these tasty treats might be for you. give 'em a shot!

i'm eating one as i write this. no, really, i am. brownie crunch. it's delicious.


Anonymous said...

by necessity, next product placement: Oops I Crapped My Pants

"now imagine this pitcher of iced tea is really a gallon of your feces..."

that guy said...

thanks for the reminder. hilarious.

"Oops I Crapped My Pants can hold a lotta dung!"