third time's a charmer

every now and then in the life of a single person, the stars align, god smiles down, and a remarkable thing happens: the third date.

they're rare, and often a lot of time passes between them, but when they finally happen, third dates can quickly restore a weary person's faith in dating. of course the first date can be fun (or horrible), and if a second date ever happens, it can be very exciting (or your chance to dodge a bullet you didn't see coming on the first date). the third, however... well, the third feels totally different. i think there are two reasons for the shift: confidence and comfort.

if a third date happens, he must actually like you. oh, and you must like him, too. wow! when was the last time that happened? after the first two dates, you could've called it even. you each fulfilled your end of the bargain. you gave it a shot, and you might've even bought him dinner to thank him for the first date (and because that's the best way to ask someone on a second date, in my experience: "Oh, thank you. You didn't have to get that. I owe you dinner. This weekend?"). there's no obligation; if you're going out a third time, you can rest assured that there's mutual interest. so the third date finds you feeling much more confident. whatever you did to lure him in, it worked. in other words, you've still got it!

in my experience, the third date is much more comfortable than the first and second. i'm not being redundant here; i don't mean it's psychologically comfortable due to your confidence. i mean that it's often physically comfortable and more casual. in fact, i prefer the third date to include a couch and a movie, not necessarily in that order if the movie happens to be in a theater. but i insist upon the couch -- preferably my own -- afterward.

by the third date, you've hopefully determined that he's not a serial killer ("Wait, your date tonight is named John Gacy? Did you ask his middle name?") and you are probably ready to let him know where you live, what kind of wine you keep in the house, and how nice your package is. your cable package, i mean! HBO is slightly expensive, but it's worth it for lazy nights spent at home. it's far cheaper per month than the movie tickets you'd be buying after your spendthrift attitude of the first few dates wears off. not to mention True Blood.

also by the third date, you hopefully should feel comfortable enough to trade the impossibly tight Rock & Republics for a nice, but maybe less flattering, pair of old, worn-in jeans. this will make it a lot easier to eat something delicious, which gets us to the next part of a good third date.

i don't want to give away too many of my tricks here, but i'll add that i try to remember Cher's rule: when a guy comes over, you should always have something baking. her cookies didn't work out very well, and i avoid them because they're too much work. you can't spend quality time on the couch with someone you'd like to get to know better if you're busy in the kitchen. a previously prepared dip is always good, in my experience. bruschetta works (skip the garlic). i've also had great success with Irish coffee made with real whipped cream from scratch back in the winter.


so last night, it all came together for me. it was the perfect third date. there was wine, there were really great homemade (*by the nice people at Whole Foods) burgers, and there was a comfortable couch. i know, right? i'm a charmer.



there's just one risk associated with the confident, comfortable third date: the object of your affection might just fall asleep on the couch before you have a chance to impress him with your cable package. mine sure did...