So, this is my life.

And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

Monday, April 6, 2009

go away

promise me something.

promise me that when you're having another average, orderly day, one of these days that leaves you feeling ever so slightly suffocated, that you'll just go away.

it won't take you much time at all.

i want you to go to a bookstore, but B&N just won't do.
if you're in center city, go to this messy, stale-aired, little bookstore on Sansom called Joseph Fox Book Shop. if you're not in my neighborhood, please try to find an alternative. they're everywhere (though less abundant as time and recession wear on), and i trust you can find one of your own. in Shadyside, try the back aisle at Kards Unlimited, one of my favorite places in the 412.

promise me you'll find one.

and in return i promise you that within a minute of walking in, you'll have gotten away from it all, from whatever day you were trying to get through. there's something about Joseph Fox's creaky wooden floors, its utterly disorgenized shelves, and the epitomic bookworms waiting patiently behind the counters to lend a hand when you ask - and you almost
certainly will ask - for help finding what you're looking for.

and if i may ask for one more, tiny act on your part: find one of many Pablo Neruda books, pull it out of the wall, try to have faith in the translations, and breathe deeply as you read something sharp and intense.

it's exactly what was missing from your idle afternoon. missing from this dreary season. you just hadn't realized it.

here's what i found:

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you
And the measure of my changing love for you

Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

who knows what you'll find?


*t said...

In case anyone wants to find the nearest indie book store near them. ;)

that guy said...

thanks, T. you're so helpful.

ScholarJam said...

i <3 you, TBTG!!! butterfly kisses, sophia