while not exhaustive, nor in any way mandatory, these are tips found to be helpful based on several years of experience with countless out-of-town guests:
things to do in philly when you're visiting matthew
- always bring vodka and hugs
- oh, and benadryl if you're allergic to catticus
- be prepared for day-drinking any time after 12:01 PM
- decide whether you want nachos/fish tacos or an awesome burger. eventually, i will ask
- have you detoxed your liver lately? if not, too late. add your name to a transplant list
- know your way around the 'hood at 2 AM. sometimes i am a bad host and wander home without you. if you're truly lost, you can probably find me at Wendy's
- take a preemptive "break" from your significant other, so that you'll have a viable defense later
- we will likely be eating gay pizza after 2 AM; however, you will not remember doing so
- if you have any intentions of visiting historical sites or museums, please understand ahead of time that you will do nothing of the sort
- don't plan to do any special shopping. this is not New York. any store we have here, you have at home.
- wear comfortable shoes. in this economic climate, taking a taxi is hardly justifiable
- please do not use phrases such as "in this economic climate" while in my presence; seriously, people, that phrase is beyond hackneyed
- also, never say "clubbing." ever. not now or any time in the future; only people from New Jersey say that
- we sleep with the windows open, even in mid-winter; ask for the unicorn blanket
- day 2 will be difficult, but you will still be expected to go out and have fun
- if you've fantasized about the amazing restaurants Philly has to offer, think again. think Qdoba
- don't be alarmed by all the pill-popping; most of them are over-the counter, i just hate experiencing dizziness/headaches/congestion/pain/allergies/despair
- numb your senses and emotions in preparation for all the homeless people
- feel free to visit Love Park and the Rocky steps for a photo-op... while i'm napping at home
remember, these are only suggestions. and if you readers have anything to add, please let me know and i will be sure to add it to this list for future visits.
here's hoping for a fun upcoming weekend! for that matter, for a fun hundred weekends to come! just gotta make it through the week(s).