So, this is my life.

And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

Friday, July 11, 2008

totally in the mood for some foie gras

and the crazy thing is, i've never even tried it!

i want it so badly right now just because it's getting such rave reviews.

and by "rave reviews," i don't mean by a food critic. i mean by the group of about 10 protesters that stands on my block about once a week with bull horns, screaming, "BOYCOTT VALANNI! FOIE GRAS! MURDER MEAT!" outside the posh neighborhood eatery Valanni. (i mean, sure, i've wanted to boycott the restaurant, too, but mostly just because their drinks are $15 each and weeeee-eeeak!)

but today, as i sit in my living room, trying to study contract/sales law, the constant screaming and chanting is really distracting me. i can't imagine how distracted Valanni's happy hour crowd, sitting right there beside the protesters and just inside the huge open windows, must be. they probably can't even enjoy their $12 syrup with just a medicine drop of vodka in it! INJUSTICE!

and i can't help but think how delicious foie gras must be, for it to cause such a stir and yet for restaurants throughout this city to continue serve it, knowing animal freak-- i mean -- rights groups will show up to scream and drive away customers. that must be some damn good liver. (and i don't eat liver. or much meat at all, for that matter!)

and also, i'm no animal hater. i love all living things, so long as they're soft, fun, clean, and socially beneficial to humans. but let's just be honest:
animals are animals. if they could, those geese would be eating our livers too! in a heartbeat! and if he were capable, even my sweet, little catticus would chase down an antelope and tear it limb from limb... hm... actually, i think he might be capable of that...

but back to my point. that restaurants like the one on my block are willing to suffer the intolerable, annoying, offensive, distracting, bar-studying-ruining screams of some PETA freaks with no happy hours of their own to attend on a lovely, summer friday evening means a lot to me. and a quick glance at Valanii's menu shows that the evil food item isn't exactly a staple of its offerings. it appears ONCE on the menu. and knowing that place, it's probably overpriced anyway. so it would be easier just to take it off the effing menu, right?

but if we take every cruel food off the menu of every restaurant these animal rights groups protest (and they would, eventually. every restaurant. because, like i said: nothing better to do), before long we would all be forced to be vegans. we all know the beef industry is terribly inhumane. delicious veal is totally out of the question. and poultry! don't get me started, don't EVEN get me started on poultry farms!

and if you take the argument far enough (which PETA and similar groups do), killing ANY animal is inhumane. soon we can't even eat fish. we'll be forced to eat human babies from remote villages in the Midwest! it's a slippery slope, my friend.

anyway... who wants to go to Valanni and try the foie gras this weekend? let me know!

i'm hearing rave reviews!


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